FML Today » middle

ac-hoo says FML

admin — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 19:07:11 +0000

Today, the man of my dreams kissed me. It was everything I had imagined it would be until in the middle of the kiss, he burped. FML

calebeutsler says FML

admin — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 09:23:47 +0000

Today, I was at a pie auction. During it, I had to hold a pie in a glass case to be sold. In the middle of the auction, I raised my hand to scratch my face, and dropped the pie and broke the glass. It was worth $1000. FML

dancer_2014 says FML

admin — Sat, 28 May 2011 18:08:27 +0000

Today, I was on my first blind date. We went to a fancy restaurant in the middle in the city. After using the bathroom, I came back to an empty table. He stole my purse and left. FML

Kaz says FML

admin — Sat, 07 May 2011 14:00:48 +0000

Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML

ummno says FML

admin — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 11:08:20 +0000

Today, I was awakened in the middle of the night by a frantic banging on my front door. It was a guy whom I’d only been dating a few weeks, with a suitcase. He stated that his wife kicked him out for having an affair, and thought now would be a good time to move in together. FML

nightDREAMERms says FML

admin — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 18:32:14 +0000

Today, I found out the hard way that I’m the “lucky” type of woman who can experience intense orgasms in certain positions: in the middle of group yoga. FML

HotACE says FML

admin — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 11:39:14 +0000

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, she tells me that the flab on my stomach does not turn her on, and stops in the middle of it. Therefore, until my diet is over, guess who doesn’t get any. FML

fallen says FML

admin — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 19:13:23 +0000

Today, I was riding my amazing horse and in the middle of our canter, he sneeze-farted which threw me to the ground ending up with a broken toe. My mother’s response? “You should have more balance.” FML

fuckingdreams says FML

admin — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 00:53:14 +0000

Today, I was grabbed, had a bag shoved over my head and my wrists bound, all before being dragged away into darkness. Then I woke up with a start to find myself on the floor, in the middle of a history lecture, screaming bloody murder at my classmates. FML

jballer says FML

admin — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 00:25:26 +0000

Today, I was driving home at night, and got into an accident. Someone had left a toilet in the middle of the road. I hit it. The toilet’s fine, but my car now has a toilet-shaped dent in the front. FML

iAMloud says FML

admin — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 07:04:57 +0000

Today, I was riding to a prom with my friends in the middle of a swamp-covered area. I stuck my head out the top and screamed like they do in the movies. My hair, makeup, and mouth were quickly filled with bugs. FML

no name says FML

admin — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 19:19:47 +0000

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I’d coughed up a cockroach. FML

Jade says FML

admin — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 12:17:41 +0000

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty. In my groggy state, I grabbed the first bottle of liquid I could find, opened it, and took a sip. It was nail polish remover. FML.

totallyscrewedomg says FML

admin — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 00:25:18 +0000

Today, my parents, not trusting me and my boyfriend, told us to call them in the middle of our movie so they could hear it, and prove we weren’t up to no good. Well, I called. Just as a raging sex scene started. FML

andifalls says FML

admin — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 12:11:46 +0000

Today, my 70 year old grandma was yelling at me to take a pregnancy test, in the middle of Walmart. I’m 16, still a virgin and haven’t had a boyfriend since I was 13. FML

shadowsonicstar says FML

admin — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 07:59:55 +0000

Today, I had to do 40 squats with a medicine ball. I always made fun of medicine balls my whole life because they looked so easy that even senior citizens did them. I passed out in the middle of the gym. FML

ohmy. says FML

admin — Mon, 27 Dec 2010 23:15:00 +0000

Today, my husband yawned in the middle of our wedding vows. FML

peanutface says FML

admin — Fri, 17 Dec 2010 15:11:12 +0000

Today, not only did I miss my bus by seconds, I also saw the bus driver smirking as he drove past me in the middle of the Canadian winter. FML

ryansmithho says FML

admin — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 23:02:45 +0000

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years. I took the whole day to cook a nice meal, and stuck the ring in a cookie that I was going to give to her. In the middle of the dinner I was holding the cookie under the table, about to give it to her. My dog ate it. FML

shotdown says FML

admin — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 12:32:27 +0000

Today, in the middle of hot passionate sex with my husband, he stops and tells me he won’t be able to finish until I go brush my teeth. I didn’t know my breath smelled that bad. FML