Posts Tagged ‘morning’

Today, the first step I took this morning resulted in a blood-gushing cut on my foot. FML

Today, my boyfriend went to the pub after work again. When I told him how much I hate coming home to a cold, dark house, he told me to turn a light on in the morning before I go to work. FML

Today, I found out the closest thing I had in my life as a true friend is the stray cat that keeps scratching at my door in the morning for food. I’m 36. FML

Today I realized by boyfriend only asks me to come spend the night when he needs me to wake him up in the morning. FML

Today, I was washing my work uniform; black chef pants and a black chef coat. In my rush to take care of my morning chores, I poured bleach into the washer instead of detergent. FML

Today, I got up for work at five in the morning. I leaned in to give my wife a goodbye kiss on the forehead, even though she was still asleep. Apparently I startled her because she reacted by punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML

Today, my town is experiencing a flood. I was thankful last night when I saw on the news that it wasn’t supposed to affect the part of town that I live in. I woke up this morning and walked out my back door. There was someone canoeing in my back yard. FML

Today, my wife sent me a text ‘need more money for groceries.’ I left $300 in cash on the table this morning. I called to ask what she was buying that was over $300. “I needed new makeup and I found this really cute dress.” I hope the dress tastes good because it was our food money for the month. FML

Today, I came home to find my husband and all of his belongings gone. He reenlisted in the military without telling me and shipped out this morning. He left a note saying he did it because I was sneaking around with his cousin. We were only planning his surprise 30th birthday party. FML

Tonight, my irritable bowel syndrome has decided to strike with a vengeance. For the past few hours, I’ve been in the bathroom almost constantly, with about five minutes in between waves. It’s 4 in the morning and it doesn’t show signs of stopping. FML