FML Today » morning

Anonymous says FML

admin — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 06:40:31 +0000

Today, my boyfriend tried to climb up to my third story window in the early hours of the morning. Just before he got to the top, he slipped and fell to the ground. My dad had to drive him to the hospital at 3am. FML

KittenTime says FML

admin — Thu, 26 May 2011 21:50:49 +0000

Today, I witnessed the miracle of life. More specifically, my cat giving birth on my bed at four in the morning. FML

no one says FML

admin — Sat, 21 May 2011 15:05:54 +0000

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML

homegirl says FML

admin — Sun, 15 May 2011 07:55:08 +0000

Today, my 45 year old mother came home from a party at 4 in the morning. I’m 16 and went to bed at 8pm last night. FML

crazycat says FML

admin — Fri, 13 May 2011 22:33:53 +0000

Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML

seekaseeka says FML

admin — Wed, 11 May 2011 20:28:10 +0000

Today, I was going to pretend to be ill to stay home from school to finish a project that was due today. Ironically, this morning my alarm clock woke me with the song ‘I Feel Fine.’ My superstitious parents saw it as a sign and sent me to school. FML

cdn_steed says FML

admin — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 18:32:24 +0000

Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML

poopybed says FML

admin — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 00:29:34 +0000

Today, I found out that my dog is so lazy, she doesn’t even get out of my bed in the morning to poop. FML

AFGirlfriend says FML

admin — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 23:45:41 +0000

Today, I found out I’m pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dying to have kids together. This would be an exciting moment if he wasn’t deploying in June and will miss everything except the morning sickness. FML

stillchubby says FML

admin — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 15:32:42 +0000

Today, I was thinking about my new diet and workout plan as I was getting dressed in the morning, deciding I felt much thinner and more energetic. Just as the thought passed through my brain, the button on my skirt popped off. FML

SkinsCastSelection says FML

admin — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 11:35:22 +0000

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of his morning dump because it was heart-shaped. FML

ilikewankers says FML

admin — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 16:49:33 +0000

Today, I was talking to the guy I have been dating on and off for the past year about where our relationship was going. His response was, “I can’t think of anything worse than waking up in the morning and realising I have a girlfriend.” FML

Connor says FML

admin — Sat, 25 Dec 2010 23:38:33 +0000

Today, I spent the morning in the ER with a broken arm. My little brother was in such a rush to get his presents first, that he violently shoved me out of the way on the stairs. FML

mydadsawsooomuch says FML

admin — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 19:07:26 +0000

Today, in the wee hours of the morning I decided to make a naked dash to the bathroom, unfortunately, my dad decided to do the same thing at the exact same time. FML

jordanss says FML

admin — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 00:00:13 +0000

Today, my apartment building shut off our water for a short period of time because the pipes were being worked on. It was also the morning my dog had diarrhea on my cream carpet. Not only did I have to clean it up without water, I couldn’t wash my hands afterward. FML

pocahontas says FML

admin — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 08:19:54 +0000

Today, one of my coworkers called to remind me about the annual costume day at work this morning. I dressed as Pocahontas. There is no annual costume day. I was fired for dressing inappropriately in front of customers. FML

yayjesus says FML

admin — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 08:20:15 +0000

Today, my teacher in my Catholic high school found out my parents are getting a divorce. She spent the rest of the morning explaining to the class why my parents were going to hell and how they were going to suffer. FML

megmo7 says FML

admin — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 17:38:24 +0000

Today, my roommate who stays out til 4 or 5 in the morning each night got her key to the dorm fixed. I’ve been having to stay up nightly to let her in (my normal bedtime being 12:00) How’d they fix it? Turns out it was never broken she was just putting the key in the slot wrong. FML

artmfanforever says FML

admin — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 00:53:34 +0000

Today, I locked myself out of my car. While walking home to retrieve the spare, I realized I locked my house keys inside the house this morning. Now I must decide whether to break into my house or car. FML

Jamie says FML

admin — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 19:03:26 +0000

Today, a customer came in to pick up her truck which was towed by my company early this morning. Her revenge? Paying us the $300. All in pennies. FML