FML Today » morning

Jamie says FML

admin — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 19:03:26 +0000

Today, a customer came in to pick up her truck which was towed by my company early this morning. Her revenge? Paying us the $300. All in pennies. FML

Katekyn says FML

admin — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 22:38:18 +0000

Today, the first step I took this morning resulted in a blood-gushing cut on my foot. FML

JP says FML

admin — Fri, 28 May 2010 17:51:17 +0000

Today, my boyfriend went to the pub after work again. When I told him how much I hate coming home to a cold, dark house, he told me to turn a light on in the morning before I go to work. FML

Childslaughter says FML

admin — Sun, 23 May 2010 08:09:37 +0000

Today, I found out the closest thing I had in my life as a true friend is the stray cat that keeps scratching at my door in the morning for food. I’m 36. FML

humanalarmclock says FML

admin — Fri, 21 May 2010 11:02:48 +0000

Today I realized by boyfriend only asks me to come spend the night when he needs me to wake him up in the morning. FML

hipar says FML

admin — Thu, 20 May 2010 08:16:15 +0000

Today, I was washing my work uniform; black chef pants and a black chef coat. In my rush to take care of my morning chores, I poured bleach into the washer instead of detergent. FML

homicidalmunky says FML

admin — Mon, 17 May 2010 22:30:10 +0000

Today, I got up for work at five in the morning. I leaned in to give my wife a goodbye kiss on the forehead, even though she was still asleep. Apparently I startled her because she reacted by punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML

grayscale_red says FML

admin — Wed, 05 May 2010 10:42:39 +0000

Today, my town is experiencing a flood. I was thankful last night when I saw on the news that it wasn’t supposed to affect the part of town that I live in. I woke up this morning and walked out my back door. There was someone canoeing in my back yard. FML

broke says FML

admin — Tue, 04 May 2010 07:53:25 +0000

Today, my wife sent me a text ‘need more money for groceries.’ I left $300 in cash on the table this morning. I called to ask what she was buying that was over $300. “I needed new makeup and I found this really cute dress.” I hope the dress tastes good because it was our food money for the month. FML

dei-dei says FML

admin — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 21:53:11 +0000

Today, I came home to find my husband and all of his belongings gone. He reenlisted in the military without telling me and shipped out this morning. He left a note saying he did it because I was sneaking around with his cousin. We were only planning his surprise 30th birthday party. FML

owowow says FML

admin — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 08:02:25 +0000

Tonight, my irritable bowel syndrome has decided to strike with a vengeance. For the past few hours, I’ve been in the bathroom almost constantly, with about five minutes in between waves. It’s 4 in the morning and it doesn’t show signs of stopping. FML

Applecxre says FML

admin — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 18:10:00 +0000

Today, there’s nothing worse than thinking it’s funny to send your wife a text on the morning of April fools Day telling her you think she’s having an affair, only for her to phone you back sobbing and saying “I’ve been waiting for months to tell you…” FML

quandoro says FML

admin — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 21:35:54 +0000

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend in the park. I was wearing short shorts, and he was rubbing his leg up and down mine. I didn’t shave this morning but thought it was ok until he said, “Cool! I can scratch my leg on yours.” FML

jess says FML

admin — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 09:08:25 +0000

Today, I had a sip of my coffee and felt a lump of some kind enter my mouth. I thought it was a bit of biscuit, and then remembered I didn’t have biscuits this morning with my coffee. I took it out of my mouth and it was a huge black fly. I then spat the rest of my coffee all over my laptop. FML

DUMMIE says FML

admin — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 19:07:34 +0000

Today, we were working with infant and adult CPR dummies. After practising flawless CPR on the adult dummy, I announced “And that’s how you save someone.” Then I tripped on the baby dummy and fell. My co-worker stood up and yelled out, “And that’s how you kill a baby.” FML

Ennui says FML

admin — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 14:12:33 +0000

Today, after being dumped just 48 hours prior, I awoke from a night of passionate lovemaking with my ex. Last night, he came to my house, romanced me, and presented a possible future. This morning, when I got up to use the restroom, my laptop, money, and ex-boyfriend were gone. FML

analinguist says FML

admin — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 14:04:55 +0000

Today, while playing Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, my phone rang, and I instinctively tried to pick it up with the Force. I kept trying until it stopped ringing. FML

moobysrocks says FML

admin — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 13:58:40 +0000

Today, I took my girlfriend out bowling. The place was not only packed, but on my very first attempt, I stumbled and landed flat on my “sugarbuns” about 6 feet down the lane. Everyone pointed and laughed hysterically, including my girlfriend, who was in the floor almost in tears, enjoying my pain. FML

asdfghjkl says FML

admin — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 14:20:10 +0000

Today, after getting home from school, I realized I’d tucked my shirt into my underwear this morning. I’m fairly certain everyone got a good look at my lime green underwear. FML

kel says FML

admin — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 12:34:35 +0000

Today, in between the passing times at school, one of my classmates opened the door to my next class, so I turned to tell him thank you. Apparently, he was opening it for the teacher who was leaving. I collided with her and her very hot cup of coffee. FML