Posts Tagged ‘mother’

Today, I had to teach my mother what a period actually is. When I told her that it was the routine shedding of the uterine walls and not the liquid from “two cups inside of you that slowly fill up and then drain 28 days later”, she became teary-eyed and now she won’t talk to me. FML

Today, I had to go to counselling as my mother thinks I have an eating disorder. All because I didn’t want to eat the crap supermarket lasagna she bought for $2. FML

Today, my mother jokingly said my boyfriend of 2 years was going to dump me for being such a prude. Little did I know, she was right. FML

Today, I found out the bank account I’ve had for the past four years is in fact shared with my mother. I found out when I got a letter in the mail claiming I have an outstanding overdraft fee for overspending. I haven’t used my card in months. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were under the impression his house was empty. We were getting intimate, and being very loud about it. Afterwards, my boyfriend comes back up stairs from making a cup of tea, only to let me know his mother is sitting in the living room quietly reading a book. FML

Today, my mother continued her lifelong habit of talking to anyone who isn’t white in extremely slow, exaggerated “caveman” English. She insists that she isn’t being racist, but rather is helping. FML

Today, my step-mom was concerned that I wasn’t educated enough about safe sex. She decided to give me a lecture and show me around the condom section of CVS/Pharmacy. While we were there, we ran into my boyfriend and his mother. FML

Today, I found out my mother had remarried, and that I was getting a stepfather and stepbrother. However I found out about it 30 minutes before we left to pick them up from the airport, and also found out that I’m losing my bedroom. FML

Today, while in the checkout, my mother demanded I explain why I picked out plastic tampons instead of the “oh so much cheaper but just as good” cardboard ones. The guy ringing us up is the guy I have a crush on and I’ve been trying to impress him for months. FML

Today, my mother informed me, against my will, that she swallows. FML