FML Today » mouth

samboob says FML

admin — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 22:13:51 +0000

Today, I saw one of those candies that you spray on your tongue. Only after spraying some in my mouth did I find it was actually perfume. FML

amusing445 says FML

admin — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 08:26:21 +0000

Today, the person next to me on the roller coaster threw up mid-trip in my mouth. FML

penelope says FML

admin — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 22:34:12 +0000

Today, I was playing a game with my sister where you throw a goldfish cracker into the air and you try to catch it in your mouth. I caught it all right; it went straight down my throat, choking me. My sister just stood by and laughed. FML

chacceee says FML

admin — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 14:33:29 +0000

Today, I decided to propose to my girlfriend by putting the ring in the popcorn when we went to see her favourite movie. I got engrossed in the movie and forgot. I dumped some popcorn in my mouth and started choking. FML

longday says FML

admin — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 15:00:47 +0000

Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML

Whateversz says FML

admin — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 23:55:59 +0000

Today, when I took a nap on the couch, a spider crawled into my mouth. How do I know? My boyfriend filmed it and laughed. FML

milhouse86 says FML

admin — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 07:14:08 +0000

Today, while driving at work, the fire extinguisher under my seat went off filling the cab with fire suppressing powder. My boots are yellow, my eyes still burn and I can’t get that nasty taste out of my mouth. FML

Orthohottie. says FML

admin — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 07:33:27 +0000

Today, I was flirting with my cute Orthodontist and thanked her for getting my mind off of work. Being smooth, I said, “Yeah, it’s hard to focus with you in my mouth.” So much for that. FML

braceface says FML

admin — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 17:54:01 +0000

Today, I worked up the courage at lunch to sit next to the girl I’ve been in love with for 3 years. Everything was going great. That is, until I sneezed and my retainer shot out my mouth, and landed in her lap. FML

Brad says FML

admin — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 10:59:12 +0000

Today, my severe asthma and allergies got worse. Any time I sneeze or cough, I get dizzy, light headed, start to see stars, and throw up a little in my mouth. My doctor says this will most likely be a permanent effect. FML

Lmfao says FML

admin — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 10:14:11 +0000

Today, I was getting off with someone for the first time. I came in my pants as soon as my tongue went in her mouth. FML

Datingablond17 says FML

admin — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 07:42:55 +0000

Today, I was sitting on my couch watching a movie with my girlfriend, she was eating Doritos. I lean over to give her a kiss, and instead of kissing me back, she decides it would be hilarious to blow half-chewed Dorito mush into my mouth. FML

brasilbabe says FML

admin — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 10:16:27 +0000

Today, my boyfriend came over. I got my wisdom teeth taken out about a week ago, so the stitches were still in. When my boyfriend arrived we started to have an intense make-out session. He accidentally pulled out my stitches. I ended up bleeding profusely in his mouth. FML

Cat says FML

admin — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 19:02:39 +0000

Today, it’s my Nana’s birthday and to say she is having a good time is an understatement. She’s so drunk, she took out her false teeth tried to put them in her dog’s mouth. When she failed, she tried the cat’s, dropped them in her wine, and then had a go at stuffing them in my mouth. FML

lardy says FML

admin — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 14:25:12 +0000

Today, I had a seizure after my softball game. Apparently my teammates thought I was faking. When I gained consciousness, my teammates were all cracking up. Come to find out from one of them, that one teammate thought that putting her foot in my mouth would make me regain consciousness. FML

crunchy says FML

admin — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 10:18:17 +0000

Today, I got a salad for a nice snack. I was about halfway through when I tasted something bad in my mouth, thinking it was just some bad lettuce I spit it out. Turns out it was a bug. One of the legs got stuck in my teeth. FML

Zaklina says FML

admin — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 18:54:55 +0000

Today, I went down to give my boyfriend a bit of oral pleasure. Before my lips touched him he pulled me up and asked “Did you wash your mouth?” FML

FarisH says FML

admin — Mon, 31 May 2010 15:43:19 +0000

Today, I went to my orthodontist where I was informed that I’ll going to the prom, to my brother’s wedding, and maybe to university with braces in my mouth. FML

FMLpanda says FML

admin — Sat, 29 May 2010 10:42:52 +0000

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I proceeded to sneeze in his mouth. He let out a shriek and tried to wipe off his face. After being detached he told me it was over. FML

LateNightFunRuined says FML

admin — Thu, 27 May 2010 14:14:28 +0000

Today, I was so desperate to use my vibrator that I spent 30 minutes fiddling with various batteries I dug up from the bottom of my desk drawer. Now I’m grumpy, haven’t gotten off, and my mouth tastes funny from testing the batteries with my tongue. FML