FML Today » night

kimboslice106 says FML

admin — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 10:17:14 +0000

Today, I asked my boyfriend to spend the night at my house because my dad would be working out of town, and once the rest of the house left I thought it’d be sweet if he snuck in my room and slept with me. His reply was “Why bother? You’re on your period, it’s not like we can do anything.” FML

wowza says FML

admin — Sat, 28 May 2011 14:33:45 +0000

Today, I was spending the night in a hotel room with my friend and her mom. I was really tired and was about to yawn. My yawn sounded sexual and my friend’s mom now thinks I played with myself. FML

ewwgross says FML

admin — Sat, 21 May 2011 04:37:10 +0000

Today, at my hairdressing job, my first client of the day came in for a cut. Her hair smelled awful, and when I asked her why, she informed me that she’d gotten trashed with some friends the night before, and one of them had puked in her hair. She came to me to get it cleaned out. FML

Jan says FML

admin — Sun, 15 May 2011 22:36:30 +0000

Today, I woke up to moaning sounds coming from the spare bedroom. Apparently, the night before, I drunkenly told my fiancé he could have sex just once with anyone he liked before our wedding day. FML

Catie says FML

admin — Fri, 13 May 2011 22:33:46 +0000

Today, my husband and I went to the state fair. The entire time, he complained about all the money we were losing because of the high prices of both rides and food. Towards the end of the night, we counted the cash we had left and found we were $50 short. Apparently, it fell out of his pocket. FML

Kaz says FML

admin — Sat, 07 May 2011 14:00:48 +0000

Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML

ummno says FML

admin — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 11:08:20 +0000

Today, I was awakened in the middle of the night by a frantic banging on my front door. It was a guy whom I’d only been dating a few weeks, with a suitcase. He stated that his wife kicked him out for having an affair, and thought now would be a good time to move in together. FML

wowimscrewed says FML

admin — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 10:22:34 +0000

Today, my roommate told me there is some restricted number that keeps calling and waking her up at odd hours of the night. She then says she’s getting the police involved to find out who it is because she feels “harassed”. I’m the restricted caller calling to wake her up from snoring so loud. FML

caseyj says FML

admin — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 11:11:28 +0000

Today, I went to a birthday party. A half hour in, a girl started showing me pictures of her cat. That was the high point of the night. FML

no name says FML

admin — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 19:19:47 +0000

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I’d coughed up a cockroach. FML

Jade says FML

admin — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 12:17:41 +0000

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty. In my groggy state, I grabbed the first bottle of liquid I could find, opened it, and took a sip. It was nail polish remover. FML.

Roomie says FML

admin — Sat, 29 Jan 2011 23:34:34 +0000

Today, after returning to my dorm room having stayed the night at a friend’s, I found my roommate sleeping in my bed. When I woke her up, she confessed that since she couldn’t find any tampons the night before and didn’t want to get any blood in her bed, she decided to sleep in mine instead. FML

NotoriousSRJ says FML

admin — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 18:35:18 +0000

Today, I got pulled over by a cop. Since my window wasn’t working I opened the door, causing him to run towards me with a drawn gun. He then had a go at me with his night stick. After realizing my window was broken, he laughed and let me off with a warning. FML

Alana says FML

admin — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 16:02:07 +0000

Today, I went to a New Year’s party with my boyfriend. Later into the night, he got drunk, and left me there to go to another party with his friends. I have no car, and no way to get home. FML

khaelian says FML

admin — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 22:55:40 +0000

Today, my girlfriend fell down the stairs and broke her ankle. She also had a bruise on her leg due to her friend biting her. I spent the night in the hospital to be there for her and support her, but I should have expected that the nurses would treat me like a criminal. FML

tuppu says FML

admin — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 19:26:48 +0000

Today, waking up I noticed that my female boss had texted me during the night, telling me she wants me bad. I’m a woman, happily married to a man, and now have to turn her down somehow and not get fired in the process. FML

The Ex. says FML

admin — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 18:57:03 +0000

Today, I came home from a week long trip in Tennessee. I hadn’t seen my boyfriend in a while, so I asked him to come and see me. He told me he would but couldn’t afford the gas. Reason he couldn’t afford the gas? He spent all of his money on lap dances and strippers the night before. FML

pandora says FML

admin — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 08:46:44 +0000

Today, I received a really hot text from my boyfriend pretending to have only met me the night before. Thinking he was role-playing, I went along with it. Turns out, he really did meet someone last night. FML

dont sleep in the same room as your grandma says FML

admin — Sat, 25 Sep 2010 14:53:24 +0000

Today, I had to share a bedroom with my grandma. In the night, I got thirsty. It was pitch black, but I could just make out the glass of water on the table. I started drinking it and then realised my grandma’s dentures were in it. FML

kp says FML

admin — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 18:10:42 +0000

Today, it was my boyfriend’s birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML