Posts Tagged ‘nose’

Today, I got a nose bleed in the ladies bathroom. An old lady comes out of a stall and says, “Oh, your nose is bleeding. Well I shit my pants. I’m sure it’ll come out in the wash.” FML

Today, marks the seventh day of having my nose pierced. I’d done everything I was supposed to do, even sleeping with a band-aid over it. This morning, I woke up to my piercing being ripped out by my pillow, and the band-aid nowhere in sight. FML

Today, I was sitting next to a lady on an airplane who was very overweight. She fell asleep on me, and violently bled from her nose upon take off and landing. FML

Today, my aunt gave my cat aspirin because when she touched his nose he had a ‘fever’. I came home to a dead cat. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I went shooting. While I was showing him how to properly hold and adjust a rifle, he accidentally pulled the trigger. The gun kicked back and hit me in the face, breaking my nose. FML

Today, I was wondering why I was getting strange looks all day at work. When I got to a mirror after my shift, I noticed a booger hanging out of my nose, which was visible only when I smiled. My job involves greeting people all day with a huge smile. FML

Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend’s bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend’s dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shoots straight up my nose and I had the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

Today, during a job interview, my nose started bleeding abundantly. About at the same time, I sneezed. My blood got on the employer’s glasses and shirt. Guess I’m not getting a job today. FML

Today, while I was at work, my boss picked his nose, checked out his finding and flicked it in front of me. FML

Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I like. All of the sudden, he pulls out a small vial of his blood to give to me, proving his undying love. Curious, I asked where he had gotten the blood. His answer? A razor blade. In his nose. FML

Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML

Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML

Today, my dog head-butted me, breaking my nose and knocking out my front teeth. As my boyfriend rushed over to help me, my dad walked in the door, saw my bloody face, and punched my boyfriend, breaking his nose. Then, while he was still on the ground, my dog bit him. FML