Posts Tagged ‘our-new’

Today, my father decided to join me and my friends in our new hot tub. He was wearing a red speedo. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I had our parents over to our new apartment for the first time. We spent hours cleaning, cooking, and making sure everything was “parent-appropriate.” Apparently we didn’t notice the S&M catalog in the pile on our coffee table… but his mom sure did. FML

Today, I went to Victoria’s Secret to get sized. I put the card that says my size in my pocket, then went to the movies with my boyfriend. When the person at the counter asked me to hand them my ticket, I reached into my pocket and handed it to them. It wasn’t the ticket. It was my bra size. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a serious talk. He proceeded to tell me that I was a quick-tempered emotional train wreck. He then said, “You know how we talked about getting married? Now the only way I’d marry you was if hell froze over.” He smiled, gave me a kiss, and went to bed. FML

Today, I realized that I have to block my number to get my own mother to take my phone calls. FML

Today, three months after finally ending a long relationship with the love of my life because he was cheating on me, we are now seeing each other again. And cheating on our new significant others with each other. FML