Posts Tagged ‘over-the-floor’

Today, I walked into my kitchen to find puddles of water all over the floor. My ice machine had been spitting out ice all night, and I never heard it. I now have to replace all the hardwood floors. FML

Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by “spilling” hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML

Today, I lifted up my blinds, only for them to detach from the wall, hit me on the head, knock a pile of paper over, spill a can of Pepsi, leave plaster all over the floor and a gaping hole in the wall above my window. FML

Today, my daughter decided to ‘paint’ her toy box with her poop. When I had cleaned it off with paper towels, I threw the whole mess in the trash can. My dog then got it out of the trash and spread it all over the floor. I had to clean up her poop again. FML

Today, my kitchen sink was clogged. I poured a bottle of Drano down and came back two hours later. The clog is still there, but the glue on the pipe is not and now there is Drano-water all over the floor, staining and dissolving everything in my kitchen. FML

Today, I was working at the coffee stand and had to pee. Customers were waiting, so I tried to go fast. The bathroom light doesn’t work, so I couldn’t see. I started to pee, unaware that the toilet seat was down. My pee went all over the floor, my shoes, and pants. Those customers were still waiting. FML

Today, as I entered my washroom while getting ready for school, I realized the floor was wet. Thinking it was just water from the shower, I ignored it and wiped my foot. Later on, I turned on the light and realized there was urine all over the floor. My grandfather’s urine. FML

Today, while working security at the mall, someone shat his pants. The shit dripped all over the floor and escalator. I was the one who had to stand near the poop so no one stepped in it. FML

Today, my neighbor’s dog bit me, it was extremely painful. The gash in my leg was deep and bleeding like crazy. When I finally got into my house screaming in aggonizing pain, my mother said “Quit bitching, walk it off and you’ll be fine.” My leg is purple now. FML

Today while cleaning up I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

Today, I found out that if you don’t clean the inside of your sonicare toothbrush, it can grow masses of fungus. I’ve been brushing my teeth with a vibrating mushroom for the past 5 months. FML

Today, I was in the ‘intimacy’ section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms and a vibrating ring I turn around to see my ex boyfriend’s mom. I smile awkwardly and put my head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad and send my ‘goodies’ all over the floor. FML.

Today, My girlfriend and I went to a bar during Irishfest. When I returned to my girlfriend she was crying and told me that this guy pushed her. I confronted the guy and poured my beer on him who just happened to be the chief of police. He was trying to make room for a guy in a wheelchair. FML