Posts Tagged ‘pants’

Today, after making out with my girlfriend for the first time, I took down my pants only to have her say,’ Eww, what’re those drooping sacks? They look like tumours.’ She was serious. FML

Today, I went shopping with my son. When I passed by the alarm gates, they rang. It came to my attention that my five year old son stuck an anti-theft device in his pants. Security thinks I tried to have him shoplift for me. FML

Today, my crush walked past. Wanting to be friendly, I reached out to tap him on the shoulder and say hi. As I did, I tripped over my own shoelace. While falling, I grabbed at the nearest thing for support. It was his pants, and I took them down with me. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight. Doubting our relationship, I asked him seriously if he loved me. He looked thoughtful, gathered me in his arms and said, “If I say yes, will you be less pissed?” and then tried to stick his hand down my pants. FML

Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML

Today, I was getting off with someone for the first time. I came in my pants as soon as my tongue went in her mouth. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched my pubic hair and said “scruffy, scruffy, scruffy.” FML

Today, I went to the beach with my mom. I began to strip down to my bathing suit to get in the water. My mom did the same with her pants. She wasn’t wearing a bathing suit. FML

Today, my boyfriend decided to give me a nice lap dance. He started to strip off his clothes, pulled his pants off and turned around. I then noticed that he had shit stains on his underwear. Total turn off. FML

Today, I realized I need to use a safety pin to keep my pants up. Not because I’m too thin or my pants are too big for me, but because I’ve stretched all my pants so much with my recent weight gain, my zipper won’t stay up. FML