Posts Tagged ‘parents’

Today, my parents went out. I stayed home and vacuumed, dusted, and scrubbed to surprise them. They came home and yelled at me because it “isn’t my job.” FML

Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML

Today, I woke up surrounded by several people. I soon realized that my parents were hosting a party. I slept on the couch, naked, and under a white blanket. They didn’t bother waking me. FML

Today, I found out what’s worse then having the “sex talk” with your parents: having the “sex talk” with your boyfriend, when he’s 23, right before you were supposed to have sex. FML

Today, my parents made me cut the lawn with safety scissors. Why? They didn’t want to go get gas for the lawn mower. I even offered to pay for it. FML

Today, my parents reported the car we share stolen because I wasn’t answering my phone. I wasn’t answering my phone because I was at the cinema. FML

Today, I found that I have a splinter in my “private places”. I can’t get it out, and I can’t tell my parents about it, because that would mean explaining to them how I got it: having sex on a dock with my boyfriend they don’t know about. FML

Today, my parents were ecstatic about sending me to an amazingly fun camp. I didn’t know until I got there that it was a fat camp. FML

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. I have been a state away from her for about three weeks now, and she happened to be with her parents at the time. I told her to tell them I said “Hi!” Their response was that they “hope his plane crashes.” FML

Today, we returned from our honeymoon and went to see my parents. I noticed my dad had cut his hair really short so I said “Dad, what have you done to your hair?” He looked at my husband standing next to me, then looked me in the eye and said “What have you done to your life?” and walked away. FML