Posts Tagged ‘parents-went’

Today, my parents went out. I stayed home and vacuumed, dusted, and scrubbed to surprise them. They came home and yelled at me because it “isn’t my job.” FML

Today, an older woman came to my family’s garage sale. Whilst my parents went to get change for her purchase, she started telling me about her lifelong dream to dance at a bar with nothing but tassels on her nipples. FML

Today, I realized that the only food I have is four months’ worth of nutrisystem food from when my parents went on the nutrisystem diet. I am not able to secure a job and buy my own food, so I have two choices: die of starvation or die of nasty nutrisystem food. FML

Today, I walked past a group of men at the mall and one of them mooed at me. FML

Today, my dog accidentally crapped on her leash. When I flicked the leash to get the poo off, it went flying. Have you ever had warm poo hit you in the face on a cold day when there’s 6 inches of snow on the ground? I have. FML

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML