FML Today » parents

fatandsad says FML

admin — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 17:58:16 +0000

Today, I bought a $450 elliptical machine to get in shape of the new year. After 5 hours of putting it together, I realized that all the ceilings in every room of my apartment are too low for me to use it without hitting my head. I can’t return it. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 12:01:58 +0000

Today, my parents bought purity rings for my twin brother and me for our birthday, and had them blessed by our priest. Neither of us are virgins. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 12:39:04 +0000

Today, while sneaking in back home, I thought I’d set the burglar alarm, like my parents always yell at me to do. I guess they changed the password, because it started beeping like a banshee. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 15:33:35 +0000

Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn’t her… Thanks dad. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 14:46:37 +0000

Today, I informed my parents that my husband and I are separating after much deliberation. We came to this conclusion relatively peacefully. According to my parents, I’m now Satan, and will end up on the streets as a crack whore if we don’t change our minds and stay together. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sun, 10 Jul 2011 12:13:14 +0000

Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don’t know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 17:12:56 +0000

Today, my parents found my stash of alcohol. They drank it all within a single evening. FML

rileynautumn says FML

admin — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 00:57:44 +0000

Today, after a full shift at work, I got home to my boyfriend playing CoD, a full sink, crap all over the table, a full cat box, dirty bathroom, no laundry done and the kids at my parents’ house. He yelled at me because the place was a mess. FML

sickbaby says FML

admin — Sat, 11 Jun 2011 18:12:50 +0000

Today, my parents grounded me and took away my phone, iPod and door. That’s right, my door. They think that because I was stumbling and couldn’t walk straight last night, I must have been out drinking. They know I suffer from chronic vertigo, but don’t believe I was having an attack. FML

CAchickadee says FML

admin — Sun, 29 May 2011 10:57:34 +0000

Today, I was singing while unloading my dishwasher. I heard a knock on the door and went to answer it only to find the police telling me they received noise complaints from my neighbors. I live next-door to my parents. FML

Brilliant… says FML

admin — Wed, 25 May 2011 23:19:25 +0000

Today, it was my birthday. Some 17 year olds will receive cars as presents from their parents. Mine, however, booked me a plot in the local graveyard. FML

NeedEarplugs says FML

admin — Sun, 22 May 2011 17:10:14 +0000

Today, I overheard my parents having sex, I wouldn’t have cared as much, if I wasn’t sleeping in the same room. FML

ali grace says FML

admin — Sat, 14 May 2011 15:36:27 +0000

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. Well, apparently Mom comes home on her lunch break with another man and has sex in our livingroom. I’m stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

missmirror says FML

admin — Tue, 03 May 2011 08:11:06 +0000

Today, my parents woke me up by pouring a glass of freezing cold water over my head. Their reason? They were ‘bored’. FML

kindgartin says FML

admin — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 15:18:09 +0000

Today, I was listening to my sons teacher gossip about students whilst in the grocery store. I was thrilled when she described my son as “A model student”. However, she then went on to say, “Which is surprising considering that his parents are trailer trash.” FML

every1luvsboners says FML

admin — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 03:43:52 +0000

Today, I was at my girlfriend’s house showing her parents our vacation pictures. I copied them from my phone to the laptop, and set it to slideshow mode. Ten seconds later as I went to get drinks, an extreme porn video a friend sent me blared out. Easter is going to be very awkward. FML

norestforthewicked says FML

admin — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 10:33:07 +0000

Today, my family and I discovered that my sleepwalking has escalated into sleep-raiding-the-fridge, after I woke up on my kitchen floor in a puddle of melted ice cream, surrounded by my parents, brother, and dogs. Apparently my recent dieting plans aren’t going over too well with my subconscious. FML

engaged says FML

admin — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 10:22:40 +0000

Today, I got engaged. We called home to tell our parents. His mother was thrilled and celebrated. My mother’s response: total silence. FML

Ineedjustice03 says FML

admin — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 15:41:54 +0000

Today, I had to dig into my savings to help my parents pay for their divorce. FML

Fcuked says FML

admin — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 12:39:04 +0000

Today I annoyed my friend by texting him ‘meow’ over and over at random times of the day because when he’s drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn’t a virgin and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML