FML Today » phone

shootme says FML

admin — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 00:18:45 +0000

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled “Fine,” and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 08:50:33 +0000

Today, while trying to get my phone to charge, I shoved in the cable harder and harder and tried to wobble it so my phone would charge. After snapping the USB input from the force, I saw the plug was switched off. FML

ShitHappens says FML

admin — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 11:42:30 +0000

Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML

bandit99999 says FML

admin — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 23:23:02 +0000

Today, to keep my phone safe while I went on some rides, I took it out of my pocket so I could put it in my bag. Just as I pulled it out, a woman ran into me, knocking my phone to the ground and breaking the screen. FML

pod says FML

admin — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 08:39:24 +0000

Today, my boyfriend threw me into his pool. I had my phone and iPod in my pockets. FML

crapped on says FML

admin — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 15:26:48 +0000

Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone’s animals. I called my mom, she said she was too busy to talk to me. My sister asked who was on the phone, she replied “the dog sitter.” FML

sickbaby says FML

admin — Sat, 11 Jun 2011 18:12:50 +0000

Today, my parents grounded me and took away my phone, iPod and door. That’s right, my door. They think that because I was stumbling and couldn’t walk straight last night, I must have been out drinking. They know I suffer from chronic vertigo, but don’t believe I was having an attack. FML

peaaaak says FML

admin — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 17:14:37 +0000

Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said “I tapped that last night”. FML

iscreamforicecream says FML

admin — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 17:55:23 +0000

Today, while I was sleeping, my girlfriend took my phone and set the ringtone to a bloodcurdling scream. I found this out when I received a call while driving to work and, thinking someone was being murdered in my backseat, I panicked and swerved into a parked car. FML

chickennbenchpress says FML

admin — Tue, 31 May 2011 22:26:39 +0000

Today, I was on my third date with a really hot girl. A guy walked by singing the pokemon theme song. She started making fun of the guy, mocking his immaturity. I joined in order to keep the conversation going. Everything was going great but then my phone rang. It was the pokemon theme song. FML

Ann says FML

admin — Tue, 31 May 2011 20:42:21 +0000

Today, my 12 year old cousin decided that “all men are pigs” and deleted every male contact in my phone. FML

Fuckit says FML

admin — Sat, 28 May 2011 11:04:41 +0000

Today, the girl I love made me text my best friend how much she loved him. This because her phone died. I was at the movies with her on our date. FML

Derp-A-Herp says FML

admin — Fri, 27 May 2011 10:15:53 +0000

Today, my genius boyfriend was trying to remember a particular island in the Caribbean that was used by pirates in the past. I offered up Morocco. I heard him facepalm over the phone. FML

explosiveBAM says FML

admin — Thu, 26 May 2011 11:04:54 +0000

Today, I was texting at work when my manager walked in. I quickly dropped my phone in the garbage to avoid trouble. Since I was working so hard, she decided to do me a favor and throw the trash out for me. FML

coldwetnose says FML

admin — Mon, 09 May 2011 10:56:48 +0000

Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend’s bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend’s dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML

ohtheshame says FML

admin — Mon, 02 May 2011 15:31:42 +0000

Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of ‘whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend’s phone back.’ Apparently I’m so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who’d stolen my phone. FML

every1luvsboners says FML

admin — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 03:43:52 +0000

Today, I was at my girlfriend’s house showing her parents our vacation pictures. I copied them from my phone to the laptop, and set it to slideshow mode. Ten seconds later as I went to get drinks, an extreme porn video a friend sent me blared out. Easter is going to be very awkward. FML

alissa_roar says FML

admin — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 22:25:38 +0000

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me I was being too obsessive. This is the guy who has gone through my phone two separate times and deleted all of my male contacts. FML

BrokeAndPsst says FML

admin — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 11:39:16 +0000

Today, my girlfriend chose the most expensive restaurant in town, then spent the entire time facebooking, texting, and playing games on her phone while I dined in silence. This is the second time we’ve been out this week. She didn’t even eat her food. I didn’t even get a thank you. FML

Ignored says FML

admin — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 14:57:31 +0000

Today, my phone wasn’t working properly. After sending out 40 texts and getting no replies, I decided to test my phone by sending it a text from my old phone. The text came through straight away. Turns out my phone’s working perfectly and 40 people are just ignoring me. FML