Today, my dad took me out driving for the first time since I got my permit. I was doing pretty good until he reached over and turned the wheel to “simulate a distracted driver.” The car ended up going into a ditch, and he’s making me pay for the repairs because I wasn’t careful enough. FML
Today, I was talking to this girl and was getting ready to make my move. Everything seemed to go pretty good, until she said “I’ve heard you sleep with everyone.” FML
Today, I was laughing at a story of a girl who had dropped her cellphone in a hottub and ruined it. As I was feeling pretty good about myself, I then realized that my cellphone was in the pocket of a sweater that I had just thrown in the washer 20 minutes prior. FML
Today, I had to take out the trash at work and I kept trying to throw it in the dumpster. After five tries I finally made it in. I was feeling pretty good since the bag was heavy. That was until I turned around and saw about 30 of my coworkers applauding and laughing at me. FML
Today, I was flirting with this guy that had been forced to be my lab partner for class. He was really funny and attractive, too. In the middle of our conversation he said “You’re so cute! You remind me of my boyfriend!” FML