Posts Tagged ‘process’

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML

Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down, accidentally crushing my testicles in the process. I squealed loudly and all but pissed my pants, earning me plenty of weird looks from the congregation. FML

Today, I swerved out of the way to avoid hitting a squirrel, and in the process hit another squirrel. FML

Today, I was driving in stop and go traffic and passed two accidents in the process. I got nervous and decided to change routes to avoid getting hit. As I was trying to find an alternative route on my GPS, I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

Today, I was in the bathroom, when someone came up behind me. Instead of waiting for a urinal to free up, he wedged his way in between me and another guy, and promptly began peeing in my urinal, crossing streams in the process. FML

Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. When I told my husband, he just laughed and told me it was all my fault. FML

Today, I had severe diarrhea while at a shopping center. I barely made it to the bathroom, and exploded as I was in the process of sitting down. It splashed onto the wall and the back of the toilet. After cleaning the wall and rejoining my wife, she let me know I had shit up my back. FML

Today, while my mom was out, I took the car out to CVS to get some food, even though I’m not legally allowed to drive. As soon as I got back in the car, my mom pulled up 2 parking spaces away from me. She didn’t notice me when I bent down to hide- until I accidentally hit the horn in the process. FML

Today, I played a volleyball game at my school. Not only did I miss the winning point, the ball hit my face in the process, which resulted in popping a big fat zit on my nose. FML

Today, waking up I noticed that my female boss had texted me during the night, telling me she wants me bad. I’m a woman, happily married to a man, and now have to turn her down somehow and not get fired in the process. FML

Today, I went over to this girl’s house that I really like. I was planning on cooking her dinner. In the process, the grease in the pan got too hot and caught fire. We ended up having to call the fire department. FML

Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML

Today, I comforted a girl who was upset about her date leaving early saying he’s tired and need to work early. I tried hard to boost her self esteem and finally cheered her up. In the process, I started to really like her. Too bad she cut me short because she was tired and had to work early. FML

Today, I noticed a cute girl in the checkout lane at the store. Feeling a little flirtatious, I decided to blow a bubble with my gum to get her attention. I accidentally shot the gum out of my mouth onto the guy next to me, spitting all over myself in the process. FML

Today, I decided to change mu boyfriend’s background on his phone. As I was in the process of changing it, I noticed his most recent picture is of a naked girl. The naked girl happens to be my 18 year old sister. FML