Today, I arrived twenty minutes early for my opening shift at work, so I decided to turn on the radio and wait in my nice warm car. I woke up two hours later with twelve missed calls from my boss and a dead car battery. FML
Today, after pulling up to my girlfriend’s house for dinner with her parents, one of my favorite rock songs begin to play on the radio. After my 3 minutes of air drumming, I look up to see my girlfriend and her parents bouncing with laughter. FML
Today, I was driving through my neighborhood when I heard a siren. I looked into my rear view mirror and saw a motorcycle, so I pulled over. The motorcycle drove by, and it turned out to be an old lady with a leather jacket. The siren was in a song on the radio. FML
Today, my friend called to warn me that there was a tornado in the area. I immediately hung up and drove 15 minutes to a safe place. When I turned on the radio, I found out that the tornado was where I drove to. FML
Today, I found myself sitting at traffic lights with my window down singing along to “Oops I Did It Again” by Britney Spears on the radio. A police officer walked past and gave me an official warning for being a public nuisance. FML
Today, I was driving down a highway during rush-hour. I heard my phone ring and couldn’t find it. I bent down to feel around for it and got in an accident and totaled my car. The ringing? A commercial on the radio. Where was my phone? On my dresser at home. FML
Today, I realized that you should never teach your 6 year old child how to use the microwave, unless you want to be cleaning melted pet fish for about half an hour. FML
Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn’t get any. She replied “They ran out of smalls.” Everyone laughed. FML
Today, I took my car through the car wash. I got bored, so turned the radio on, forgetting that the aerial/antenna on the car is automatic. My car aerial is now bent at a 90 degree angle and about to fall off. The radio is half white noise, half stuff that may or may not be free jazz jam sessions. FML