Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me. I was crying for over an hour in my room. My dad came in and asked what was wrong. Just as I was about to tell him, he stops me and simply says “Oh, honey. I don’t care… Just keep the noise down.” Then walks out. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend to spend the night at my house because my dad would be working out of town, and once the rest of the house left I thought it’d be sweet if he snuck in my room and slept with me. His reply was “Why bother? You’re on your period, it’s not like we can do anything.” FML
Today, the girl that I have a crush on was over to work on a project. My dad then rushed into the room, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML
Today, I found out that whenever I send my son to his room, he goes on his iPod and buys the most expensive apps he can find. So far I’ve been charged $600. FML
Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with my shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at my victory when it flew into my nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FML
Today, I woke up to a strange feeling crawling on my face. I hit myself and felt a splatter… it was a cricket. I then got out of bed to realize that all the crickets that I bought for my lizard had escaped from the tank and were now all over my room. FML
Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. Well, apparently Mom comes home on her lunch break with another man and has sex in our livingroom. I’m stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML
Today, I made a video for a school tour of my apartment in German. The walls in my apartment are thin, so you could hear my sister having phone sex in her room in the background. FML
Today, I was watching Animal Planet while babysitting my 4 year-old niece. A really cute baby bunny came on and I called her into the room, only for her to see it get killed by a Bald Eagle. Now she won’t stop crying. FML
Today, I went to a job interview. I thought everything went really well, and after shaking hands with my interviewer, I went to leave. On my way out, I paused to tie my shoe. He apparently hadn’t noticed I was still in the room, because he summarily dumped my resume into the trash can. FML
Today, I was at the dentist getting a tooth pulled. The dentist had given me “laughing gas” so I wouldn’t feel anything. Without thinking, I told him he was pretty hot. The dental hygenist, also in the room, was his wife. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I’d gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I’d said to sink in. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My mom, dad, and brother decided to wake me up by bursting into my room unannounced with a birthday cake. They found me sprawled over the bed naked, along with vaseline, tissues, and a Playboy. I still haven’t said a word to them since. FML
Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It’s fun trying to sleep too. FML
Today, after searching for my favorite shirt, I asked my mom if she had seen it anywhere. She sighed, and confessed to me that she had been sneaking into my room and tossing out various articles of my clothing that she thought were ugly. Apparently, this has been going on for months. FML