FML Today » roommate

GrossedOut says FML

admin — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 16:07:51 +0000

Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat’s very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she’d left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML

MyDumbassRoommate says FML

admin — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 10:31:44 +0000

Today, my roommate told me he was moving out via a pee-written message on the wall. FML

Dumdum says FML

admin — Sat, 21 May 2011 22:14:50 +0000

Today, I woke up in my school dorm bunk bed. As I stretched my arms from a good night’s sleep, a cold, limp hand smacked me in the face. I let out a loud scream which woke up my roommate. The hand was my own. FML

SMCHR says FML

admin — Mon, 09 May 2011 07:21:15 +0000

Today, after I moved into my college dorm three days ago, my roommate is still convinced that she is a cat. FML

Koda says FML

admin — Fri, 06 May 2011 11:30:20 +0000

Today, I passed out when my blood sugar dropped. Three times. And each time, my roommate, who was right next to me, just let me fall because he liked the way my face looked. FML

Eksie says FML

admin — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 00:08:30 +0000

Today, I learned an important life lesson: if you smell something burning, don’t assume your roommate is cooking. It could be your kettle is in the midst of an electrical fire. FML

wowimscrewed says FML

admin — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 10:22:34 +0000

Today, my roommate told me there is some restricted number that keeps calling and waking her up at odd hours of the night. She then says she’s getting the police involved to find out who it is because she feels “harassed”. I’m the restricted caller calling to wake her up from snoring so loud. FML

Kelster says FML

admin — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 14:42:43 +0000

Today, my roommate has a job interview. He only applied to the job yesterday. Meanwhile, I’ve been out of work for three weeks. I’ve applied to at least ten jobs. I have yet to get a call-back from any of them. FML

QWERTY says FML

admin — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 08:39:38 +0000

Today, my roommate thought it would be a good idea to show me his huge new tarantula despite knowing that I have extremely severe arachnophobia. I ended up killing it with a book and apparently now owe him $500. FML

Hank says FML

admin — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 23:53:05 +0000

Today, I walked in on my roommate having a smoke in the shower, even though we live in a strictly non-smoking apartment. He said it was okay because “steam mixed with smoke cancels out the harshness of it”. FML

jm_track says FML

admin — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 01:50:39 +0000

Today, to punish me for being hungover, my roommate blasted the bagpipe version of “Amazing Grace” through his stereo. FML

Illustaterette says FML

admin — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 18:11:21 +0000

Today, I got a letter from my first ever publisher stating that I am no longer allowed to use them to publish my work. It turns out my roommate stole my new children’s book and sent it in under her own name before I finished the edits. They think I stole it from her. FML

Roomie says FML

admin — Sat, 29 Jan 2011 23:34:34 +0000

Today, after returning to my dorm room having stayed the night at a friend’s, I found my roommate sleeping in my bed. When I woke her up, she confessed that since she couldn’t find any tampons the night before and didn’t want to get any blood in her bed, she decided to sleep in mine instead. FML

Scaredwitless says FML

admin — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 08:15:12 +0000

Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML

curlyisnogood says FML

admin — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 09:26:54 +0000

Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML

FreakinthePink says FML

admin — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 12:08:50 +0000

Today, I walked into my room to find my roommate’s boyfriend trying on one of my pink, lacy bras. My roommate then yelled at me for coming home early. FML

stutterernotschizophrenic says FML

admin — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 08:51:22 +0000

Today, I was alone in my dorm room rehearsing comments to make in my writing class tomorrow. I grew up with a severe stutter, and rehearsing like this is one of the ways I keep my speech under control. What I didn’t plan on was my roommate walking in. I think she now thinks I’m schizophrenic. FML

pottyhostage says FML

admin — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 00:18:58 +0000

Today, I freaked out when I couldn’t get my bathroom door open. After ten minutes of panic when thinking about how I’d be stuck there for at least 8 hours until my roommate would get home, and another five mentally going over survival skills, I realized that I had forgotten to unlock the door. FML

unsanitarysoap says FML

admin — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 10:20:34 +0000

Today, my roommate brought over a guy she met online. After dinner, they went into her room. About an hour later, they both came out, not expecting to see me in the living room. He went straight to my sink and used MY soap to wash his face and hands. My soap is no longer sanitary. FML

megmo7 says FML

admin — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 17:38:24 +0000

Today, my roommate who stays out til 4 or 5 in the morning each night got her key to the dorm fixed. I’ve been having to stay up nightly to let her in (my normal bedtime being 12:00) How’d they fix it? Turns out it was never broken she was just putting the key in the slot wrong. FML