Posts Tagged ‘secret’

Today, I found out that my wife has a secret stash of money hidden from me to fuel her secret obsession of helping hobos. FML

Today, my coworker told me she knew about my secret boyfriend because she has a “sixth sense” about these things. I’m too embarrassed to tell her I’m desperately single and the last date I went on was three years ago. FML

Today, my girlfriend found my secret panty stash. Now she thinks I’m cheating on her with another girl, but I’m not. They’re mine. FML

Today, I found my underwear in my brother’s pillow as well as my vibrator and Victoria’s Secret magazines. FML

Today, I went on a date, and within the first five minutes, he said, “Before we go any further and get anymore serious, you need to know a few things, I have kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare, and have a $400 silk rose Victoria’s Secret blanket.” FML

Today, my secret crush, who sits next to me in Bio, asked if he could borrow my notes. I agreed. It was only after he drove away, with my notebook, that I realized that in the back of my notes, I had written his name 100 times, surrounded by little hearts. FML

Today, I was going to check out my secret condom stash. When I looked inside, I found a note. The note read: “Thanks hun, I really needed this. Love, Mom”. FML

Today, while backpacking in Switzerland I had my camera stolen. Not only does this have photos of my entire trip but the pictures I took for my best friend’s wedding. I was the only photographer of her elopement. FML

Today, I got back to work from a 3 week vacation. My boss had asked me to get him something so when I returned I presented him with a shotglass with the British flag on it. I later found out that he is a recovering alcoholic. FML