Today, after 8 months of going steady with my girlfriend, she broke down into tears and sobbed about why I didn’t care enough to visit her once in a while. The last time I went to her house resulted in her mother throwing a rampage and throwing a vase at me, earning me stitches. FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend has only been going out with me because I have a truck. She’s also been going out with her ex with whom she told me she broke up. The two of them were in it together and getting me to buy her stuff so he didn’t have to. I’ve spent over $1,000 on her. FML
Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I decided it’s best just to move on.
Guess who they matched me with? FML
Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispers to me “Do that thing you did at the Halloween party”. There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn’t go with her to the party. FML
Today, I found out that our water tank has had a dead crow rotting in it for days. I took showers and brushed my teeth with dead crow soup. FML
Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I’m a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them. FML