Posts Tagged ‘sister’

Today, my sister and I drove 800 miles with her five-year-old, her two-year-old, and her two dogs. The two-year-old got carsick five times, adding an extra three hours to the trip. The kickers? Turns out my sister is sympathy spewer and neither of them chews food very well. FML

Today, my sister was on television. It would have been great if she weren’t being handcuffed for burglary. FML

Today, my sister said she has been having “feelings” that I could die while giving birth. My baby is due in six weeks. FML

Today, my mum asked if I wanted to go shopping with her and my sister. My mum and I don’t usually get along, so I thought this could bring us together. Turns out I was only needed to carry their bags. FML

Today, my mom told me to go between the mattresses of her bed and give my sister back her cell phone that she’d confiscated. I found the phone, but only after I found all my mom’s pleasuring devices. FML

Today, I was relaxing on the couch after a long day with my annoying aunt when I heard my sister come in from the garage. I loudly asked, “Do you think Aunt Stacy knows everybody doesn’t like her?” It wasn’t my sister. It was my aunt returning my purse I had left in her car. FML

Today, my sister sent me an email with a video of the largest snake ever found. When the camera got close to the head of the snake, it launched itself at the camera. Startled, I poked myself in both eyes trying to shield myself from the snake. FML

Today, while eating, my sister happend to ask what the meaning of sex was. Something she’d heard from her friend, and having the wonderful parents I have they simply walked off saying that I knew all about it. I was Left in a room with an 8 year old who wanted to disscuss sex, lovely night. FML

Today, my sister stabbed my hand with a knife because I was going to grab the last chocolate pudding. FML

Today, I noticed a strange dry patch on my arm. I did a little research and I found out that my sister brought a stray cat into the house and slept with it on my bed for two days while I was staying in New Jersey. Thanks a lot sis, you’ve given me ringworm. FML