Posts Tagged ‘socks’

Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML

Today, I told my boyfriend about my foot phobia. To help me “get over it”, he took his socks off, pinned me down, and rubbed his foot against my face until I started sobbing. FML

Today, I repeatedly told my wife how much money we saved by installing a hardwood floor myself. My son came in the front door and decided to slide across the floor in his socks. He got a 6 inch gash in his foot from a trim nail I didn’t pick up. The ER visit cost more than we saved. FML

Today, I had sex with the guy I like for the first time. He left his socks and underwear on, barely touched me, and it was so boring I chose to watch “Dawn of the Dead” instead. I think I found a keeper. FML

Today, I had to wipe my ass with one of my socks. This is the second time this year I have found myself without toilet paper at school and no one to ask. My parents paid for me to go to college to wipe my ass with my clothing. FML