Posts Tagged ‘son-came’

Today, my 12 year old son came home from school and informed me that he bought an air guitar for $20. He honestly thinks this is a good price. FML

Today, I repeatedly told my wife how much money we saved by installing a hardwood floor myself. My son came in the front door and decided to slide across the floor in his socks. He got a 6 inch gash in his foot from a trim nail I didn’t pick up. The ER visit cost more than we saved. FML

Today, my son’s hamster died. It was overweight and got stuck in its plastic tube. My 6 year old son came downstairs to me smashing a plastic tube with a dead hamster in it on the kitchen table. He thinks I killed it. FML

Today, I realized that the only thing I learned from my first serious relationship was how to fake an orgasm. FML

Today, I sliced a deep gash into my thumb while carving up bagels. After putting a plaster on, I returned to my room to relax, where I lit a candle. The flame from my new lighter shot up, and set fire to the plaster on my thumb. Now I have a cut AND several burns. FML

Today, I bought a nice new dress for a work party. But when I went in, a coworker hurried me into the bathroom saying, “Don’t worry we can fix this.” She thought someone had been sick on me. Thanks. That was just the pattern of the dress. FML