Today, I celebrated my birthday. My mom invited a bunch of my relatives over, and they started telling funny stories of when I was a kid. My mom decided that then was an appropriate time to talk about how she caught me looking at porn the other night. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, I received a phone call from FedEx to confirm that they indeed placed my package on the wrong front porch and do not know where it is. The package was my passport with a visa for study abroad. I leave next week. FML