Posts Tagged ‘step’

Today, my husband got out of the shower, came downstairs naked screaming ”EMBRACE THE HARDNESS!!” Little did he know, my step mother was sitting right there at the kitchen table. FML

Today, while driving with my step mother, she attempted to have phone sex with my dad. FML

Today, I noticed that whenever my step-daughters take a dump in the bathroom, they deliberately leave the seat up so my wife thinks I did it. FML

Today, my boyfriend left me for my step-sister. He’s been cheating on me with her for the past 6 months, and got her pregnant. I also found out that my stomach pains are due to the fact that I’m also pregnant. My family could officially qualify for Jerry Springer. FML

Today, I just found out that my ex girlfriend is gonna be my step mother. FML

Today, my mother got remarried. I am now officially older than my step-father. FML

Today, I bumped into a lady in the New Jersey airport. After I politely apologized she said, “Watch your step, asshole.” FML

Today, my boyfriend found out he has an STD. This is the same STD my step-mom just found out she has. We were supposed to be monogamous. FML

Today, my step-mom informed me that she and my dad will not be attending my wedding because they will be at a NASCAR race. FML

Today, to be nice, I baked cookies for my step-mom as a birthday present. I burnt my hand while putting them in the oven, but I’d hoped it would be worth it. When she got home, I gave one for her to try. She took a bite, spit it out, and threw it on the floor, asking if it was a joke or if I was really trying to poison her. FML

Today, my store got a new carpet put in for the waiting room. I tripped on the ‘watch your step’ sign I put down and spilt my coffee all over the new carpet. FML

Today, my step-mom was concerned that I wasn’t educated enough about safe sex. She decided to give me a lecture and show me around the condom section of CVS/Pharmacy. While we were there, we ran into my boyfriend and his mother. FML

Today, I decided I needed to loose a little weight, so I thought the house stairs would work well for some step-ups. At the first attempt, the step buckled under my weight and snapped clean in half. FML

Today, after months of deleting my chats with friends, and not leaving my computer open around my parents, I learned that my step-mom installed spyware on it six months before. How did I find out? Her brother forwarded an email she had sent him, containing an AIMchat about who I hooked up with. FML

Today, I was driving home from school when 5 seconds from my house a cop decides to pull me over. I asked what was wrong, and he just wanted to ask me some questions about my school, since his step-son wants to come there. Then, he wanted to give me a DWT: Driving While Tired. Is that even legal? FML