Posts Tagged ‘store’

Today, my phone froze. Thankfully, all I have to do is take it into the store. Unfortunately, it froze while I was watching porn. FML

Today, I walked out of the store, car keys in hand, only to discover my car was missing. After a frantic search, I started to hyperventilate and a nearly had a full-blown panic attack. Then I remembered I walked to the store. I am an idiot. FML

Today, I went out shopping. When I left the store, I saw my ex, who I’m still crazy about. He helped me carry my bags out to the car. When I leaned in to give him a hug goodbye, he stepped aside, and I fell face-first into a puddle. He walked away laughing. FML

Today, my aunt and I went shopping. When we got to the store, she said she forgot her wallet, and I told her I would buy some things for her. When we were at the checkout, I was a dollar short. She said, “Oh, I’ll get it!” and pulled out her wallet. FML

Today, I went to the store to pick up a music book that I had ordered, called “40 Studies for Clarinet”. It turns out that the book was seperated into 3 different parts, and the book they ordered for me was only numbers 1-20. I need number 21. FML

Today, I accidentally forgot my glasses in a store bathroom. When I finally noticed, I went back to find that someone was wearing them as he was walking out of the store. I didn’t have the balls to call him out on it. FML

Today, I had brought in a cake to my class as part of an extra credit assignment. I had spent the entirety of yesterday making everything from scratch after three attempts. Only the teacher and I ate a slice; everyone else wanted to eat the store-bought cake with coconut cream filling. FML

Today, my wife was tired, so to give her some quiet time, I took our daughters out grocery shopping. A woman at the store asked my four year old if she was having fun with her daddy. She answered, “He’s not my real daddy.” FML

Today, my power went out due to a huge snow storm. I was in desperate need of candles and flashlights. I had to walk to the store since the roads were closed. I walked 4 miles in the blizzard. When I got home, the power came back on. FML

Today, my boss and I were stacking boxes in the back room of the store. One of the boxes fell and hit me in the face, causing me to lose my glasses. My boss stepped on my glasses as she ran to check the box for broken merchandise, which I then had to pay for. FML

Today, I went to the store and ran into an old friend that I hadn’t seen in years. We chatted a little, and just as I was leaving he grabbed his mobile phone. Later, I added him on Facebook. Turns out the last thing he posted was a picture of my back saying: “Look who got even fatter.” FML

Today, I decided to buy a sex toy. The man in the store automatically realized my last name (off the credit card) and proceeded to tell me how my mother is his biggest customer. He even suggested things that my mother loves. FML

Today, while working, I came across a crying child trying to find his mother. While taking him to the front desk to page his mother, a lady ran up to me, grabbed the child, and started screaming at me for trying to kidnap her son. I was sent home early for being a “disgrace to the store”. FML

Today, I was at Walmart when I saw a little boy crying in the bakery. I felt bad so I asked him where his parents were. After he told me he was lost, I started to take him to a Walmart employee, only to have most of the bakery staff stop me. Apparently, I was kidnapping a kid whose mom left the store without him. FML

Today, I decided to get some exercise for the first time in months. I went to the store and bought a brand new bicycle and all the necessary paraphernalia. I drove a half hour to a bike trail, unloaded the bike, and started riding. 10 feet later, the chain snapped. FML