Posts Tagged ‘street’

Today, my sister was taking me to have my fractured hand X-rayed. A giant spider crawled up her leg as she put the car in reverse. She jumped out. Now I’m waiting for the doctor to set the bones I re-fractured by pulling the handbrake to stop the car rolling down the street. FML

Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn’t sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won’t believe me when I tell them I’m a 4.0 GPA student. FML

Today, I saw my dad’s friend across the street working on my neighbor’s roof. To continue the airsoft war we’d been having I shot at him with the sniper gun I bought. I hit him, and he fell off the roof. I ran over to see if he was ok. It wasn’t my dad’s friend. FML

Today, I was walking down the street in shorts. I’ve been quite clumsy, and have a lot of scratches and bruises on my legs. A random man walked up to me, looked at me from top to bottom, and asked, “Rough night, huh?” winked, walked by and pinched my ass. He was 60, I’m 16. FML

Today, walking up the street, I saw a ten dollar bill. I went out to get it. It was wet I slipped over. A driver honked his horn so, in my hurry to get out of the way, I slipped again into the muddy gutter to the sound of applause from the car’s passengers. FML

Today, I got a ticket for vandalizing public property. I decided to draw a cat on the street outside my house in sidewalk chalk. I’m 20, and I have to explain to my parents why I’m playing with chalk instead of studying. FML

Today, I thought it would be fun to drive into a stack of some empty cardboard boxes on my street. They weren’t empty. FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and left me crying in the street. I then got a text from my mom saying how pathetic my love life was. Apparently, it was a mass text message and she accidentally added me to the list. FML

Today, I planned to drop a water balloon on my visiting prankster brother from my new apartment’s balcony. As he crossed the street, I launched the balloon, and sent it right behind him. It hit an eight year old on a scooter. FML

Today, I was coming out of my work and a group of guys yelled, “Oh shoot girl!” and I blew them a kiss jokingly, then as I walked down the street, cars were honking at me, guys whistling. When I got home I noticed the foot long rip down my pencil skirt. FML

Today, I untied the rope that was tied to my dog’s collar because it was wrapped around the tree choking him. He immediately ran off down the street. I had to chase him barefoot in my boxers for 20 minutes till he got tired. FML

Today, I came to visit my dad for the weekend. Ten minutes after I’d settled in, my dad gets a phone call. His friend invited him to go to a bar across the street for some drinks. He accepted. FML

Today, I was crossing a crosswalk when my sandal broke and fell off. Thankfully, I finished crossing the street safely, but in the 110° Arizona heat, the asphalt fried my right foot so badly, it has blisters. FML

Today, I was walking down the street and feeling pretty sexy when these two guys started staring at me. I gave them a smirk, and one of them told me to zip my fly. FML

Today, I was running down the street with some friends. It wasn’t until we stopped that I realised my tube top had slid down to my waist, giving a busy street a great view of my boobs. FML