Posts Tagged ‘street’

Today, I was doing a job for some people on my street cutting their bushes. After I had finished and went to get my pay, I realized I had gone to the wrong house. They called the police. FML

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him “How is the weather up there?” He then turned around, spit on me, and replied “Raining.” FML

Today, I was driving with my girlfriend. As we turned onto our block, she shrieked that our dog was running down the street and into traffic. I jumped out of the moving car and chased him for about a mile, only to give up, go home, and find out it wasn’t our dog. FML

Today, I was walking down the street when two guys decided to paintball drive-by me. They were using frozen paintballs. FML

Today, I went out with my family for lunch. I had noticed that a few of the construction men were checking me out quite a bit as I was walking down the street. Confident and feeling sexy, I strutted my stuff all the way down to the restaurant elevator, until I noticed my outfit was on backwards. FML

Today, I was playing my guitar and singing on the street corner. I did earn money, but the first time I did was when some guy threw a quarter out of his car window for me. It hit me in the face. I now have a circle shaped bruise under my eye. FML

Today, my 7-year-old son went to his boy scout meeting down the street. Having some alone time for a few hours, I decided to have a really hot, loud self-love session in the living room. In the final moments of afterglow, I realized that my son and half his troop was standing in the doorway. FML

Today, I was talking to a girl who lived in my neighborhood. I told her there was this other really annoying girl down the street and we should egg her house. I pointed out the house to her. It was her house. I was talking about her sister. FML

Today, I received the bill in the mail for the ambulance ride. $1400. I was crossing the street, and the ambulance was what hit me. FML

Today, I egged my teacher’s house because she gave me a D on my paper. It turned out that she was at the neighbor’s across the street and saw the whole thing. Now she is making me do all her dirty chores and housework for 3 weeks or else she will fail me. FML