Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how sweetly the main character on my favorite tv show proposed to his girlfriend. He told me to hang on a second, and later forgot about me while he told his brother about the hot blonde he slept with last night. FML
Today, I finally decided to tell my best friend that I had a crush on him for five years. I was about to tell him when he told me, all excited, that he had asked out my other friend. I had to sit there for an hour smiling and telling him how happy I was for him. FML
Today, while I was at my boyfriend’s house, I got my period. About an hour after I tell him I just got my period, he impatiently says “Is it over yet? I want to have sex.” FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how excited I was to drive 12 hours to see him and his new house. His girlfriend answered. FML
Today, I thought I’d pull a prank on my dad. Usually at stoplights, I tell him to go when it turns green because he doesn’t pay attention. I told him to go at red today. Little did I know the county sheriff was in the lane next to me. My dad has a short temper. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought he gave me unimaginable pleasure. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I had cramp in both my legs at the same time. FML
Today, I was violently ill due to the pain medicine I’m on for an injured wrist. My mother is out of town, so I woke my dad to tell him and maybe get some help, or even a hug, but no. I was forced to clean up my own puke with one hand, and I had to be quiet so I didn’t wake up my dad. FML
Today, I saw a guy on the road with misaligned tires so I followed him into a parking lot to tell him that they looked like they were about to fall off. He flipped me off and told me to go fuck myself. FML
Today, everyone at work found out that I was in love with a guy there. Upset about it, he asked what was wrong, and to tell him everything. I did, and he laughed. Upon realizing I was serious he just walked away. I just got transferred to his department, and I need this job. FML
Today, I called my dad to tell him my boyfriend had proposed to me, and that we’re planning on being married this summer. He was surprised at the short engagement, so I said, “Well, we’re almost 30.” Dad replied, “Wow, I left your mom when I was 35!” So not the conversation for that information, Dad. FML