Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me. I was crying for over an hour in my room. My dad came in and asked what was wrong. Just as I was about to tell him, he stops me and simply says “Oh, honey. I don’t care… Just keep the noise down.” Then walks out. FML
Today, after teaching my 4 year old son about the concept of “Stranger Danger,” we had gone the park full of people. When I walked up to him to tell him we had to leave, he ran, screaming “Stranger! Don’t touch me!” FML
Today, I called my ex boyfriend to tell him that not only am I still in love with him, I’m also three months pregnant with his child. Upon hearing the news, he swore, called me a pathetic liar, swore some more, and hung up on me. FML
Today, my dad had a go at me because he thought I was embarrassed by him and that was why I never invited any of my friends over. I was too embarrassed to tell him it’s actually because I don’t have any friends to invite over. FML
Today, I was stood up at a super Italian restaurant by my boyfriend of 2 years. It turns out being arrested for soliciting gay sex to an undercover cop is more important than our two year anniversary dinner, during which I was going to tell him I’m 5 weeks pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn’t wait for him to get out. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how sweetly the main character on my favorite tv show proposed to his girlfriend. He told me to hang on a second, and later forgot about me while he told his brother about the hot blonde he slept with last night. FML
Today, I finally decided to tell my best friend that I had a crush on him for five years. I was about to tell him when he told me, all excited, that he had asked out my other friend. I had to sit there for an hour smiling and telling him how happy I was for him. FML
Today, while I was at my boyfriend’s house, I got my period. About an hour after I tell him I just got my period, he impatiently says “Is it over yet? I want to have sex.” FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how excited I was to drive 12 hours to see him and his new house. His girlfriend answered. FML
Today, I thought I’d pull a prank on my dad. Usually at stoplights, I tell him to go when it turns green because he doesn’t pay attention. I told him to go at red today. Little did I know the county sheriff was in the lane next to me. My dad has a short temper. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought he gave me unimaginable pleasure. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I had cramp in both my legs at the same time. FML
Today, I was violently ill due to the pain medicine I’m on for an injured wrist. My mother is out of town, so I woke my dad to tell him and maybe get some help, or even a hug, but no. I was forced to clean up my own puke with one hand, and I had to be quiet so I didn’t wake up my dad. FML
Today, I saw a guy on the road with misaligned tires so I followed him into a parking lot to tell him that they looked like they were about to fall off. He flipped me off and told me to go fuck myself. FML
Today, everyone at work found out that I was in love with a guy there. Upset about it, he asked what was wrong, and to tell him everything. I did, and he laughed. Upon realizing I was serious he just walked away. I just got transferred to his department, and I need this job. FML