FML Today » tell-him

daddylove says FML

admin — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 11:21:32 +0000

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me. I was crying for over an hour in my room. My dad came in and asked what was wrong. Just as I was about to tell him, he stops me and simply says “Oh, honey. I don’t care… Just keep the noise down.” Then walks out. FML

armywife980 says FML

admin — Tue, 03 May 2011 11:29:23 +0000

Today, after teaching my 4 year old son about the concept of “Stranger Danger,” we had gone the park full of people. When I walked up to him to tell him we had to leave, he ran, screaming “Stranger! Don’t touch me!” FML

Bethany says FML

admin — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 00:45:52 +0000

Today, I called my ex boyfriend to tell him that not only am I still in love with him, I’m also three months pregnant with his child. Upon hearing the news, he swore, called me a pathetic liar, swore some more, and hung up on me. FML

nerdwithagun says FML

admin — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 12:41:38 +0000

Today, my dad had a go at me because he thought I was embarrassed by him and that was why I never invited any of my friends over. I was too embarrassed to tell him it’s actually because I don’t have any friends to invite over. FML

Prego_GF says FML

admin — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 08:20:06 +0000

Today, I was stood up at a super Italian restaurant by my boyfriend of 2 years. It turns out being arrested for soliciting gay sex to an undercover cop is more important than our two year anniversary dinner, during which I was going to tell him I’m 5 weeks pregnant. FML

jailbirdlove says FML

admin — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 07:36:07 +0000

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn’t wait for him to get out. FML

jessiegirl says FML

admin — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 06:57:11 +0000

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how sweetly the main character on my favorite tv show proposed to his girlfriend. He told me to hang on a second, and later forgot about me while he told his brother about the hot blonde he slept with last night. FML

TaylorSwiftWroteMyThemeSong says FML

admin — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 10:31:14 +0000

Today, I finally decided to tell my best friend that I had a crush on him for five years. I was about to tell him when he told me, all excited, that he had asked out my other friend. I had to sit there for an hour smiling and telling him how happy I was for him. FML

MandMandM says FML

admin — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 11:04:44 +0000

Today, while I was at my boyfriend’s house, I got my period. About an hour after I tell him I just got my period, he impatiently says “Is it over yet? I want to have sex.” FML

ac13 says FML

admin — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 21:41:21 +0000

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how excited I was to drive 12 hours to see him and his new house. His girlfriend answered. FML

sketchmoney says FML

admin — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 00:22:19 +0000

Today, I thought I’d pull a prank on my dad. Usually at stoplights, I tell him to go when it turns green because he doesn’t pay attention. I told him to go at red today. Little did I know the county sheriff was in the lane next to me. My dad has a short temper. FML

kitkat1603 says FML

admin — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 15:00:49 +0000

Today, my boyfriend thought he gave me unimaginable pleasure. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I had cramp in both my legs at the same time. FML

vomitcomet says FML

admin — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 19:06:37 +0000

Today, I was violently ill due to the pain medicine I’m on for an injured wrist. My mother is out of town, so I woke my dad to tell him and maybe get some help, or even a hug, but no. I was forced to clean up my own puke with one hand, and I had to be quiet so I didn’t wake up my dad. FML

iheartbreak says FML

admin — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 11:06:59 +0000

Today, I saw a guy on the road with misaligned tires so I followed him into a parking lot to tell him that they looked like they were about to fall off. He flipped me off and told me to go fuck myself. FML

lovebug789 says FML

admin — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 08:12:21 +0000

Today, everyone at work found out that I was in love with a guy there. Upset about it, he asked what was wrong, and to tell him everything. I did, and he laughed. Upon realizing I was serious he just walked away. I just got transferred to his department, and I need this job. FML

rainonmyparade says FML

admin — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 12:30:12 +0000

Today, I called my dad to tell him my boyfriend had proposed to me, and that we’re planning on being married this summer. He was surprised at the short engagement, so I said, “Well, we’re almost 30.” Dad replied, “Wow, I left your mom when I was 35!” So not the conversation for that information, Dad. FML

woopdeedo_1 says FML

admin — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 14:56:06 +0000

Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML

stoopidpoop says FML

admin — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 19:29:36 +0000

Today, I told my girlfriend’s father that I wanted to talk about his daughter. I then went on to tell him I was thinking about ‘popping the cherry’, instead of ‘popping the question’. FML

momof2boys says FML

admin — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 04:59:24 +0000

Today, my two boys decided to draw in permanent marker on the leather seats of the car I have had up for sale for 3 weeks with no interest. I call my husband to tell him we’re going to have to keep it. He just made an appointment with a guy who has cash and is ready to buy it tomorrow. FML

ThatCery says FML

admin — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 11:29:02 +0000

Today, I rang my dad to tell him and my half-sister that I’m finally engaged. I then asked my half-sister to tell my stepmother. Still on speaker, I heard her run upstairs and pass the good news on. My stepmother responded with ‘Cery who?’, followed by ‘So what? I can’t stand her’. I’m Cery. FML