Posts Tagged ‘telling-him’

Today, I woke up in bed after staying the night at my boyfriend’s for the first time. We’d had amazing sex that night, so I woke him up by telling him how much I had enjoyed it. He replied with, “Oh my God you snore like a man, let me get some fucking sleep.” FML

Today, I saw an old man doing something to my car, so I started cussing at him, telling him that I’ll kill him. When I came closer, I realized it was my fiancé’s father trying to leave me a little present by the car for being nice to them. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me to stop being so demanding. I was just telling him I wanted him to have sex with me. FML

Today, I texted my boyfriend, telling him how I hated my job and felt that I was trapped and wasting my time. A couple of minutes later he texted back, saying “That’s how I feel about our relationship.” FML

Today, my husband was fired for chatting online for the third time in a month during office hours. Who was he chatting with? Me, telling him to get off the chat programme so he wouldn’t lose his job. FML

Today, I was in class. I am an older student going back for my PhD. I was kicked out of class for “sassing” my instructor for telling him he was wrong about what took place at an event I was actually present at. My instructor is a 22 year old TA. FML

Today, my boyfriend bought me a strange looking cake. Not wanting to offend him, I ate it. Twenty minutes later he announced that it was a “break up cake”. The allergic reaction to said cake had me hospitalised. FML

Today, I tried to convince my boyfriend to come over, telling him it would be “worth his time.” He asked, “How?” I said, “Dazzling conversation of course. Just kidding, you’ll probably get laid.” He replied, “Oh. Well I would if it was for the conversation.” FML

Today, the guy I have been in love with for years decided to tell me all about his women problems and how he can’t find someone. After telling him I loved him he responds, “do you know if anyone else does?” FML

Today, after a long stressful day, my boyfriend and I decided to take a shower together. As I’m telling him all about my day, I suddenly felt something warm on my foot, only to look down and see him peeing on me. When I asked what he was doing he said “I’m marking my territory, you’re mine now.” FML