Posts Tagged ‘the-bathroom’

Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML

Today, there was going to be a promotion soon. I headed to the bathroom before starting my shift. My boss stopped me and said, “Restroom is for paying customers only.” I’ve worked there for three years. FML

Today, I was taking a shower and my husband wasn’t home, or so I thought. He sneaked into the bathroom and pulled the shower curtain back as a prank. I was so scared I fell on the edge of the tub. I’m 8 months pregnant. FML

Today, after several hours of trying to get my triplet daughters to go to bed, they finally fell asleep. Exhausted, I went to the bathroom so I could go to bed. Not thinking about it, I dropped the toilet seat down rather loudly and flushed the toilet. All three girls woke up crying. FML

Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep. When I got up to go to the bathroom on my break, I couldn’t walk properly and leaned against things so I wouldn’t fall over. My supervisor then came over and started lecturing me about being drunk at work. FML

Today, I got my ponytail caught in the crack of the bathroom door as I was walking past. I had to wait two hours to be set free by my boyfriend and his friends. They had to take the door off. FML

Today, I was taking a shower. After hearing sounds of a person coming from the living room, I snuck out of the bathroom and attacked the ‘intruder’ with a can of hairspray. The intruder was my mom, who came home several hours early from a business trip. FML

Today, I wasn’t feeling too well and consequentially threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yells at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink “when the damn toilet is two feet away.” Thanks mom. FML

Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML

Today, a couple of friends stayed over because they were too drunk to drive. Apparently, one of my friends was too drunk to go to the bathroom, because when I woke up I discovered that my recliner, my work uniform, and one of my friends were completely covered in piss. FML