Posts Tagged ‘the-car’

Today, while driving with my family, the car got stuck in a large patch of mud. My family of seven decided that I, the fifteen year old girl, would be best suited to push it out. After slipping, falling, and getting completely covered in mud, they finally called a tow truck. FML

Today, while driving in a funeral procession I was distracted, I missed my turn and yelled “God dammit”. I’m the funeral director, the Priest was in the car with me and I led the funeral the wrong way. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex in his car. He got out of the car and moved to the passenger seat with me. As he shut the door, it slammed against my fingers, breaking one of them. He then asked if we could still have sex. FML

Today, I was catching the bus to my new job. While waiting at the lights, I decided to play the staring game and ended up staring at a woman in the car next to the bus for ages, really creeping her out. It turns out she’s my new boss. FML

Today, I went to Subway with my girlfriend. Just as the time came for her to pay the bill, she went to the car to grab her purse. She didn’t come back. I found a note on the windshield saying, “It’s over”. FML

Today, leaving the restaurant I work in, the car next to mine was very crookedly parked. I had a hard time backing out. It turned out the whole restaurant was watching me, and they all started to clap as I drove away. FML

Today, my sister was taking me to have my fractured hand X-rayed. A giant spider crawled up her leg as she put the car in reverse. She jumped out. Now I’m waiting for the doctor to set the bones I re-fractured by pulling the handbrake to stop the car rolling down the street. FML

Today, I got dressed up for the first time in days to go have sushi with a friend. When I walked out to my car, I noticed that the passenger window was shattered and the car robbed. What’s worse is I’d forgotten to lock the side doors anyway. FML

Today, someone rear-ended me while I was on my way home. I was extremely upset and I called my boyfriend for comfort and to help inspect the damage. After taking a good look at the car, he said, “Damn, if only you fucked this hard.” FML

Today, my crush gave me a ride home. When I opened the door to get out, he switched the gear to reverse, thinking the car was in park. I got run over by the car door. FML

Today, walking up the street, I saw a ten dollar bill. I went out to get it. It was wet I slipped over. A driver honked his horn so, in my hurry to get out of the way, I slipped again into the muddy gutter to the sound of applause from the car’s passengers. FML

Today, I threw up in the car. While driving. The good news though, I had a bag to catch it all. Bad news? The bag had a giant hole in the bottom. FML

Today, my mom showed up to pick me up from cheerleading practice. When I got in the car, she started yelling and asking why I came out late. She accused me of messing around with the guys that had walked out a few minutes before. I had been waiting for 15 minutes on the other side of the school. FML

Today, I drove 30 miles out of my way to pick up my 13 year old sister. As I walked in, she glared at me and snapped, “Get out of here. Go sit in the car, I’m not done eating yet.” I was so mad that I called my mom. She told my sister to take her time. FML

Today, I crashed my car, a guy in front of me stopped short. His car was destroyed buy mine was fine. As I went to go see if he was okay, he got out of the car, punched me in between the legs, jumped in my car and stole it. FML