Today, someone gave me 13 dollar bills. I rejected one because I’m very superstitious about the unlucky 13. Later, I waited half an hour in the car for someone to bring me exactly 1 dollar because I did not have enough for the parking fee. FML
Today, I got a call from my grandmother saying she locked her keys in the car and I needed to bring her the spares. After an hour bus ride, involving me missing my stop and getting temporarily lost, I arrived and handed her the keys. I brought the wrong ones. FML
Today, my parents reported the car we share stolen because I wasn’t answering my phone. I wasn’t answering my phone because I was at the cinema. FML
Today, I made my mom a mix CD for her car so we could listen to it when we were in the car. It took me ages to find just the right songs, and I thought it would be perfect for her. When I played it for her in the car, she took it out, rolled down the window, then threw it out the window. FML
Today, I discovered what the horrid stench in the car was. I had compared the odor to a “rotting carcass” for the past two weeks, but never found a source. Turns out it was a rotting carcass. We somehow neglected to remove the chicken from the car from the last grocery visit. FML
Today, I saw an old man doing something to my car, so I started cussing at him, telling him that I’ll kill him. When I came closer, I realized it was my fiancé’s father trying to leave me a little present by the car for being nice to them. FML
Today, I was in the car with my dad and younger brother. My dad suddenly says “Well, just 6 more days,” which made me happy because that’s when my birthday is. I smile and say “Yeah I’m excited,” to which he replies, “Me too, I’ve been waiting for your brother’s first football practice all year.” FML
Today, my wife and I ate at a revolving restaurant high above the city. We saw our car parked down below, and joked that it would be funny if we saw it getting stolen and couldn’t do anything about it. When we got back to the car, it had been broken into. FML
Today, I was stuck in the car listening to my mom walk my little sister through applying a tampon over the phone. She included graphic details. FML
Today, I was at a stoplight and noticed this really hot guy in the car next to me. I looked over and winked at him and he nodded back. Mistaking the nod as a sign the light was green, and not a flirty nod, I stepped onto the gas only to rear end the car in front of me. FML