Today, my girlfriend and I were making love when I turn to find my brother standing at the door watching. Later I asked him how much he saw, he said “I saw from the part where you were both taking off your clothes to the part where she started screaming”. He had also told my mum. FML
Today, the door bell rang, and immigration was at our door. After an hour of talking to them, I found out that I was actually born in Canada, living in the US illegally. We’re all being deported next week. FML
Today, while going to lunch with my boss, he asked me to check and see if the other lane was clear. When I did, he swerved hard, making me smack my head into the door window. This is apparently his new favorite thing to do. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl at a fancy restaurant. In the middle of it she says, “Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom.” I watched her get up, walk over to the door, leave, get in her car, and drive away. FML
Today, I decided to take a nap before a big job interview at 6. I set two alarm clocks to make sure I didn’t miss it, but I woke up at 5:59. As I’m scrambling in a panic to get out the door, my mom says calmly, “I took your alarm clocks out of your room because you looked really tired today.” FML
Today, the door to my house wasn’t unlocking. I stood outside for 30 minutes, banging on the door for my boyfriend to open up. Finally, I kicked it open and discovered a couple making out. Turns out my apartment was the next one over. FML
Today, I was on my bed on top of my boyfriend when I lost my balance and fell. My father walked in the door to see what the noise was. I don’t know what is more embarrassing, my father walking in, or him walking in saying “Thats an expensive bed.” FML
Today, I woke up to find my landlord and a maintenance man entering my apartment. Startled, I angrily told them they couldn’t enter since they hadn’t give 24 hours notice and slammed the door on them. They actually had given notice. My wife forgot to tell me. FML
Today, I met the guy I love’s fiancée. It turns out, she’s amazingly gorgeous, so I thought to myself that she’s probably a real b*****. She actually held the door open for me and was really friendly. I thought to myself, well, she has to be really stupid then. She’s training to be a doctor. FML
Today, I was using the bathroom at a school where I was substituting. Just when I was putting a tampon in, the door opened. A teacher stood there in shock, seeing my legs spread directly facing her. FML