Posts Tagged ‘the-door’

Today, I was almost done getting ready for a really big date, when I heard my dad call for help from outside. I rushed downstairs and out the door, only to be ambushed and showered by my father with the garden hose. FML

Today, thinking my grandparents were out of town, my boyfriend and I decided to go to their house for some privacy. Things started to get a little loud, and my grandfather crashes through the door with a bat, thinking someone had broken in. FML

Today, I was singing while unloading my dishwasher. I heard a knock on the door and went to answer it only to find the police telling me they received noise complaints from my neighbors. I live next-door to my parents. FML

Today, I knocked on the door of the bathroom to make sure nobody was in there before I walked in. Then I remembered I live alone. FML

Today, I stepped outdoors for a minute. The wind blew the door shut, locking me outside. I’ve spent the last two hours pounding frantically on the windows, trying to wake my 4 year old son who is inside. I can see him sleeping soundly on the couch. FML

Today, while buying groceries, I noticed that the lady in front of me had left a box behind. I grabbed the box and ran out the door after her. After turning around to find three employees chasing me, I noticed I had just stolen the donation box. FML

Today, I freaked out when the remote wouldn’t unlock my car. I stood in the rain trying to open the door. Unsure of what to do next, I called my boyfriend. He told me to “put the key in the door”. I had forgotten about that option. FML

Today, I was in a desperate rush to go to the toilet. My phone fell out of my pocket and slid under the door when I pulled down my pants. I decided to postpone my activity and retrieve my phone. I opened the door, only to see a kid power-walk out, my phone nowhere to be seen. I then pissed myself. FML

Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It’s fun trying to sleep too. FML

Today, my dog head-butted me, breaking my nose and knocking out my front teeth. As my boyfriend rushed over to help me, my dad walked in the door, saw my bloody face, and punched my boyfriend, breaking his nose. Then, while he was still on the ground, my dog bit him. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex while his parents were out. They came home early, ran upstairs and knocked on the door. Scrambling to find our clothes, we gave up and just hid under the blankets. They barge in, drunk and laughing, and tried ripping the covers off. FML

Today, I was right outside my apartment with my fiancé. He clearly didn’t know I was about to throw a surprise birthday party for him. As he was opening the door, he began to tell me about how things weren’t going to work, just before everyone yelled “Surprise.” FML

Today, some construction workers keep going in and out the door next to my cubicle. They’ve decided it would be easier for them if they just prop the door open for the next hour. It’s 20 degrees outside, and I’m wearing a dress. FML

Today, I was delivering pizza in the rain. A woman answered the door, saw me soaking wet and said, “Wow this rain is terrible, it must be horrible to be out delivering in it.” She then tipped me 21 cents. FML

Today, I went to a benefit lunch. I have been making my own perfume for the past year and everyone says it smells amazing. So I chose to wear the perfume to the lunch. When I got to the event, the man at the door said “The event is indoors, you know? So you don’t have to wear bug spray.” FML