Posts Tagged ‘the-front’

­Today, my dog decided to fly through the front door like Superman. All 180lbs of her promptly slammed sideways into the wall, putting a dog-sized hole in the plaster. FML

Today, I was forced to look on in utter horror as an old lady backed out of her parking space, kept going well past the turning point, and slammed straight into my car, putting a dent in the front and shattering the headlights. FML

Today, I went to a rave where apparently one of my favorite rappers was supposed to perform. I stood in line for 2 hours in the rain, got pushed and shoved, and had to witness a bunch of drunken idiots puke all over the place. Once I finally got to the front of the line, they closed the doors. FML

Today, as I left my house, the front door slammed shut behind me, causing an entire roof-length of snow to slide over the edge and land directly on my head. FML

Today, I was about to get on stage for a choir concert, and realized I had no where to put my phone. Running out of time, I tucked it in the front of my dress and got on stage. I should have put it on silent first. FML

Today, while working, I came across a crying child trying to find his mother. While taking him to the front desk to page his mother, a lady ran up to me, grabbed the child, and started screaming at me for trying to kidnap her son. I was sent home early for being a “disgrace to the store”. FML

Today, I went to see a famous rapper perform. My girlfriend got us up to the front to get pictures with him. He went to give me a high-five, I thought it was a fist-bump, so I made a fist. So he made a fist while I made a palm to match his retracted high-five. Then I panicked, cupped his fist and ran. FML

Today, I was a keynote speaker at a conference. About 5 minutes before I was to speak, I went to the bathroom. I took a piss and forgot to shake. I had piss drops on the front of my khaki pants. There was no podium. I had to hold a piece of paper in front of my crotch the whole time. FML

Today, the girl of my dreams handed me a heart shaped card. On the front, it reads “You + me =”. I open up the card and read the word “NOTHING!”. FML

Today, I almost got arrested for child molestation because the little kid I was babysitting randomly and evilly yelled “No, you can’t touch me there!” while a police officer drove by us while we were in the front yard. FML

Today, my dad told me to come outside and help him with something. I went outside with him and he took his shirt off, telling me to shave his back. In the front yard. FML

Today, my friend locked me out of my car and told me to sit in the back because I was a terrible driver. As I tried to get in the front seat, she took off and said we would wreck if I drove. Ten minutes later, I’m in a ditch with my new car totaled. FML

Today, I was one of five people called up to the front in class to receive a special notice from the school administration. The first four people received awards for outstanding effort in school. Mine was a notice that I had overdue library fines. FML

Today, while at work, a customer wanted a cactus, and I had to carry it across the whole store. I got pricked and cut, and when we got to the front of the store she decided she didn’t want it anymore and left. Guess who got to haul it back? FML

Today, I cost my parents $600 in repairs because a condom I had flushed got stuck, inflated with water, and flooded the front yard. FML