Posts Tagged ‘the-girl’

Today, the girl I’ve been dating for several months, and fallen in love with, said “We’re just friends, right? My mom thinks I’m leading you on.” FML

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When we came, he moaned the name of the girl that has a crush on him, to see what my reaction would be like. My orgasm was instantly over. FML

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to declare my love to the girl I have a crush on. I guess I shouldn’t have gone and kissed her without warning, because now my face is covered with slap marks, and I had to explain myself at the police station for sexual harassement. FML

Today, the girl that I have a crush on was over to work on a project. My dad then rushed into the room, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML

Today, I was snowboarding when a skier cut me off, resulting in me colliding with a 12 year old girl. The girl was totally fine, and I was alright except for a slight nose bleed. I apologized to the girl, then her mom hit me over the back with a ski pole as I snowboarded away. FML

Today, I finally told the girl I’ve been after for more than a year that I’m attracted to her. Her response? A slight hug with a pat on the back as she said “There, there.” FML

Today, the girl I love made me text my best friend how much she loved him. This because her phone died. I was at the movies with her on our date. FML

Today, I went to hand in a resume. The secretary happened to be a girl I liked in high school. When leaving, I shook hands with the employer, waved goodbye to the girl, turned around and walked straight into a glass wall. FML

Today, I discovered that my facebook profile picture, of me between my boyfriend and a friend, is actually me between my boyfriend and the girl he has been cheating on me with. FML

Today, after three weeks of putting it off, I decided to ask out the girl I’ve had a major crush on since third grade. When I told her, she smiled, but then quickly said, “But aren’t you gay?” FML

Today, the girl I really liked started talking to me, so I asked her out on a date. After waiting an hour at the theatre, I texted her asking where she was. She replied with, “Oh!! You were serious about the date?!” FML

Today, I was dumped by the guy who serenaded me with his guitar and admitted he had feelings for me. Why? Because the girl who had continuously been rejecting him for so long finally decided to give him a chance. FML

Today, I was working my shift at the restaurant as a waiter when the girl I’ve been in love with for 4 years came in with her boyfriend. He asked me to hide the ring in their dessert. FML

Today, the girl of my dreams handed me a heart shaped card. On the front, it reads “You + me =”. I open up the card and read the word “NOTHING!”. FML

Today, my fiancé is having his bachelor’s party. I was planning on going out with a large number of friends and was looking forward to a wild night out. All of them canceled. Every last one. Including the girl who had planned the bachelorette party. FML