Posts Tagged ‘the-girl’

Today, the girl of my dreams handed me a heart shaped card. On the front, it reads “You + me =”. I open up the card and read the word “NOTHING!”. FML

Today, my fiancé is having his bachelor’s party. I was planning on going out with a large number of friends and was looking forward to a wild night out. All of them canceled. Every last one. Including the girl who had planned the bachelorette party. FML

Today, I worked up the courage at lunch to sit next to the girl I’ve been in love with for 3 years. Everything was going great. That is, until I sneezed and my retainer shot out my mouth, and landed in her lap. FML

Today, the girl who is obsessed with me had her prescriptions transferred to the Pharmacy that I work at. Not only is she stalking me, but now I know that she takes medication to control her psychotic episodes and random bouts of depression. FML

Today, I found out the girl I’ve been attracted to for months is actually a guy. FML

Today, I was finally asked out by the girl I love to the movies. I was so excited and got dressed in my best looking clothes. When I got to the movies, she told me “there’s my ex, now hold my hand to make him jealous.” She used me. FML

Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn’t want to get me sick. I told her, “If hugging you gets me sick, then I’ll just have to deal with being sick.” She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven’t stopped puking since. FML

Today, I was enjoying some ice coffee in my favourite coffee-shop when a couple came in and sat at a table in front of mine. They started to kiss and make all sorts of gross noises. Just when I was about to tell them to go get a room, the girl started popping the guy’s zits. FML

Today, I finally found the girl of my dreams, she’s smart, loyal, energetic and adorable. There’s one problem. She’s a Golden Retreiver. FML

Today, I was at a concert. During the concert, my shoelaces went undone, so I bent down to tie them. Not two seconds later, the girl behind me jumped on my shoulders and refused to get down. She said “tall guys” are the best to ride on during concerts. My name is Maria. FML