Posts Tagged ‘the-head’

Today, at work, I got a call from a lovely old man asking if this was a Gentleman’s Club hotline, I quickly told him that he had called the head office for a gas/petrol company. His response: “Are you sure? You sound like a stripper”. FML

Today, I just moved into my new house. I witnessed my new neighbour get his dog to pee all over my lawn, pat the dog on the head, gave it a treat, and run off. FML

Today, I lifted up my blinds, only for them to detach from the wall, hit me on the head, knock a pile of paper over, spill a can of Pepsi, leave plaster all over the floor and a gaping hole in the wall above my window. FML

Today, my sister sent me an email with a video of the largest snake ever found. When the camera got close to the head of the snake, it launched itself at the camera. Startled, I poked myself in both eyes trying to shield myself from the snake. FML

Today, while I was washing dishes, my husband decided to surprise me with an anniversary present. He came up and tickled my sides. What did I do? Turned around and hit him in the head hard with a pan. Now we are at the doctors to make sure he doesn’t have a concussion. Happy anniversary, baby. FML

Today, I saw my ex at my college library. I just ignored her and went on my way playing it cool. As I put my earphones in, they got stuck on a door handle, which then opened violently. I not only fell to the floor, but got kicked in the side of the head as a man came storming out. FML

Today, while I was watching my cousin play tennis, a cute guy walked by and as I took a look, a tennis ball hit me in the head and I fell off the bleachers. FML

Today, at work, while reaching to get something off a shelf, a metal first aid kit fell and hit me in the head leaving a big bruise. I got hurt by a first aid kit. FML

Today, while walking down the ramp for lacrosse practice, someone called my name. As I replied “Yeah?” I got hit in the head with a lacrosse ball. FML

Today, my Dad told me that I was named after the dog he accidentally shot in the head as a teenager. FML

Today, I was pondering the meaning of life – why I’m here, why anyone is here, why go on, and whether it’s worth it… Then it hit me. The football in the head, not the meaning of life. FML

Today, my little brother learned to write his name. How did he tell the family? By writing it in permanent marker all over my 100 year old piano. FML

Today, I was working as a cashier and a woman brought up a suitcase. As I was ringing her up I checked inside like I’m supposed to and I very jokingly say, “Look at all the stuff your stealing.” She laughed nervously then hit me in the head with her heavy purse before running out of the store. FML

Today, I set off a fire alarm in school. I was taken to the head teacher’s office, where he said that although he was shocked at my behavior, it was nice to see me being more like regular students and trying to fit in, instead of isolating myself as usual. I was actually shoved into the fire alarm by bullies. FML

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he says: “Who the hell is that guy in the background?” FML