Posts Tagged ‘the-hot’

Today, I found out that my husband gets more excited jumping into the hot tub with his 4 guy friends than he does before, during or after sex with me, his wife. FML

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter swimming. While sitting in the hot tub, my daughter pointed to the elderly man sitting across from us and mumbled something. I couldn’t understand her, so I asked her to repeat it. After two more attempts, she shouted, “MOM! He has big boobs!” FML

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck with she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how sweetly the main character on my favorite tv show proposed to his girlfriend. He told me to hang on a second, and later forgot about me while he told his brother about the hot blonde he slept with last night. FML

Today, after getting home from the mall, I saw that my mom and step-dad were in the hot tub. Feeling excited that it was finally fixed, I raced upstairs to get my swimsuit on. I jumped in with them, only to notice they were naked. FML

Today, while riding a full capacity bus in the hot weather, a very sweaty, dirty smelling woman squeezed herself in next to me. As the bus slammed on the brakes, beads of her sweat flew off of her and onto me. When she got off, I could still smell her and realized it was now me that stank. FML

Today, on an incredibly hot day, my flip flop broke, leaving me to walk barefoot on the hot asphalt for a mile and a half to my car. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be romantic and get into the hot tub. I was slowly getting into the water when I suddenly slipped. I faceplanted and nearly drowned in three feet of water. My nose bled and we had to get out. Our romantic night was spent doctoring my injuries. FML

Today, I went down to my accommodation office in fiery wrath, demanding that something be done about my three-days-cold shower. Looking dubious, they sent someone back with me. As soon as we got there he looked at me with deep pity and pulled the cord in the corner that activated the hot water. FML

Today, my daughter learned how to write her name correctly for the first time. Only thing is, she decided to practise writing it all over my body with a sharpie while I was sleeping. Works starts in 30 minutes. FML