Today, my boyfriend was in the middle of fingering me. A few minutes after he had been rubbing my clitoris, I was about to finishing climaxing, he stopped and said “Hmm, your girl part feels like the scroll ball on my cell phone.” He was serious. FML
Today, while driving on a totally deserted, long, straight road in the middle of the bush, I sneezed and drove right into a pole on the side of the road. It was the only pole for over 50 km. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl at a fancy restaurant. In the middle of it she says, “Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom.” I watched her get up, walk over to the door, leave, get in her car, and drive away. FML
Today, my parents had guests over, and got pretty drunk. I went downstairs afterwards to clean the mess and found my dad naked in the middle of the kitchen, peeing in a cup. He tried to cover it up by quickly putting it in the sink, and blurting out “I’m doing nothing.” FML
Today, my father got drunk as per usual. I also woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom; in my still-sleeping haze, I sat on a toilet seat covered in his piss. This isn’t the first time this has happened. FML
Today, I came home on leave after a seven month deployment in the middle of the ocean for the Navy, and the first morning I’m home, my entire region gets hit by the worst flood in recorded history. I need a speedboat to go to the Quick-e-mart. FML
Today, I woke up lying on top of my car, naked, in the rain, with about seven people laughing at me. According to my mum, I’ve started sleepwalking. She found me in the middle of the night, but left me out there because she thought it was funny. FML
Today, I slept over at my girlfriend’s house for the first time. I have a tendency to talk in my sleep. According to her, I sat bolt upright in bed in the middle of the night and loudly declared “THE BOMB HAS BEEN PLANTED!”, laid down and went back to sleep. FML
Today, in the middle of math I was feeling a little tired so I reached for my hood and pulled it up past my face. Something rubbed against my face, and panicking, I ripped the hood off and saw my Mother’s leopard print panties fall on my desk. FML
Today, after getting drunk, I attended a concert with my friends. I don’t remember much of anything, but according to my friends, I fell down the bleachers and cut my head. I’m now sporting a rather large, lightning bolt gash down the middle of my forehead. I look like Harry Potter. FML