Posts Tagged ‘the-morning’

Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML

Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML

Today, I found out that my dog is so lazy, she doesn’t even get out of my bed in the morning to poop. FML

Today, I was thinking about my new diet and workout plan as I was getting dressed in the morning, deciding I felt much thinner and more energetic. Just as the thought passed through my brain, the button on my skirt popped off. FML

Today, I was talking to the guy I have been dating on and off for the past year about where our relationship was going. His response was, “I can’t think of anything worse than waking up in the morning and realising I have a girlfriend.” FML

Today, in the wee hours of the morning I decided to make a naked dash to the bathroom, unfortunately, my dad decided to do the same thing at the exact same time. FML

Today, my apartment building shut off our water for a short period of time because the pipes were being worked on. It was also the morning my dog had diarrhea on my cream carpet. Not only did I have to clean it up without water, I couldn’t wash my hands afterward. FML

Today, my teacher in my Catholic high school found out my parents are getting a divorce. She spent the rest of the morning explaining to the class why my parents were going to hell and how they were going to suffer. FML

Today, my roommate who stays out til 4 or 5 in the morning each night got her key to the dorm fixed. I’ve been having to stay up nightly to let her in (my normal bedtime being 12:00) How’d they fix it? Turns out it was never broken she was just putting the key in the slot wrong. FML

Today, my boyfriend went to the pub after work again. When I told him how much I hate coming home to a cold, dark house, he told me to turn a light on in the morning before I go to work. FML

Today, I found out the closest thing I had in my life as a true friend is the stray cat that keeps scratching at my door in the morning for food. I’m 36. FML

Tonight, my irritable bowel syndrome has decided to strike with a vengeance. For the past few hours, I’ve been in the bathroom almost constantly, with about five minutes in between waves. It’s 4 in the morning and it doesn’t show signs of stopping. FML

Today, there’s nothing worse than thinking it’s funny to send your wife a text on the morning of April fools Day telling her you think she’s having an affair, only for her to phone you back sobbing and saying “I’ve been waiting for months to tell you…” FML

Today, at four in the morning, I was asleep with my boyfriend beside me. I started yelling at him in my sleep and broke up with him. When I woke up, he was gone. FML

Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up, in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML