Posts Tagged ‘the-most’

Today, I “agreed” with an FML just so I could to tip the number of votes from 4,999 to 5,000. This is the most exciting thing that’s happened to me all week. FML

Today, I found out that whenever I send my son to his room, he goes on his iPod and buys the most expensive apps he can find. So far I’ve been charged $600. FML

Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML

Today, my girlfriend chose the most expensive restaurant in town, then spent the entire time facebooking, texting, and playing games on her phone while I dined in silence. This is the second time we’ve been out this week. She didn’t even eat her food. I didn’t even get a thank you. FML

Today, the most interesting conversation I had at work was about ass-hairs. FML

Today, my brother caught me sticking my finger up my nose. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he’s writing an article for our school newspaper on the most embarrassing things kids have been caught doing. I’m expected to make the front page. FML

Today, I jokingly asked my husband if he had ever cheated on me. In the most sincere and honest tone, he said “if I ever have or ever will, there’s no way you would ever find out. I love you too much to lose you”, and gave me a hug. FML

Today, I was having the most wonderful bath. The water was steaming, the bubbles were bubbly, and I was reading a really good book. I put my book down to yawn and looked to my right. My gaze was met by the lovely face of my brother’s pet tarantula. FML

Today, I let out the most horrific, loudest, and most vile smelling fart I have ever had in my life while in the middle of yoga class. Out of embarrassment, I tried to lessen the tension in the silent room by giggling, but no one saw the funny side. I was given looks of horror, and avoided by everyone else for the rest of the class. FML

Today, because of plumbing issues, most of the water in my house is off. The only toilet that works is in my parents room. They are asleep, and the door is locked. The only other water is my bathroom sink. I’m a girl, and peeing in my sink is by far one of the most awkward things I’ve done. FML

Today, at a restaurant, I was joking around trying to make my friend laugh by pretending to be a ninja. I did this by putting my napkin in front of my face. I happened to look over at another table and saw that a lady wearing a burqa was giving me the most evil glare I have ever seen in my life. FML

Today, I found out my penis is awkwardly shaped. I found this out during sex with my girlfriend. Which is now one of the most painful experiences ever. FML

Today, I was having a quickie with my girlfriend. Unbeknownst to us, we were so aggressive that we shifted the bed across my slippery hardwood floor, rammed into my desk, and knocked over my brand new computer monitor. Undoubtedly, the most expensive quickie I’ve ever had. FML

Today, I got drunk and had a dream that I had had the most amazing sex with my girlfriend. The good news is that the sex was real, the bad news is that it wasn’t my girlfriend that I woke up next to. FML

Today, I fell asleep and dreamed that I had won $500,000. In my dream, I used this money to buy a new MP3 Player, and then put the rest in a term deposit. Even in my dreams, I’m the most boring person I know. FML