Posts Tagged ‘the-police’

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to declare my love to the girl I have a crush on. I guess I shouldn’t have gone and kissed her without warning, because now my face is covered with slap marks, and I had to explain myself at the police station for sexual harassement. FML

Today, I got pulled over. Suspicious that I’d been drinking, the police officer made me walk a straight line and recite the alphabet. I failed both. I was completely sober. FML

Today, I got fired from my job. I caught a customer taking pictures up my skirt, and my boss fired me for calling the police and “making a big deal out of it”. FML

Today, I got a call from the police dept. My ex-boyfriend is applying for a job there, and they called me to ask if he was “a good candidate for a police officer.” I had to start my day off by saying great, nice things about the guy who broke my heart and completely disrespected me. FML

Today, I received a call from the police about a car accident that I was a witness to. As the only witness who stopped to help, I was remembered by the other cars involved. They’re blaming me for the accident. The cops want to talk. FML

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years, the father of my son, has been the pervert who has been harassing my mother with weird texts and pictures of his knob. The cops told me after we went to the police station to report it and catch the creep. FML

Today, I hit a car while trying to park. Assuming that no one saw, I moved my car and parked somewhere else. Hours later I get a call from the university police. While backing up to go to the police station I hit another car. FML

Today, I was arrested by the police for sitting in what they thought was a stolen vehicle. After being slammed into the back of a squad car at gun point, they realized the car was actually recovered a week ago. FML

Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk then tried to hit me. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they turned up, my father yelled, “Help! This man tried to stab me!” The sad part is, they believed him. FML

Today, the police knocked on my door. They said the neighbors called saying they heard multiple gun shots coming from my house. I was watching Raiders of the Lost Arch on my new TV with surround sound really loud. I now have police men searching all over my house for weapons. FML

Today, I woke up to find that the police blocked off my entire street. Turns out my neighbor was harboring a fugitive. How did I find out? When I stepped outside to see what my dog was barking at, they drew their guns on me. I pissed myself. FML

Today, I got a call from the police saying they found my stolen car. Not only did I not know my car was stolen, but it was completely stripped. No tires or doors left, and the engine was taken apart. FML

Today, I went to the shops with my little sister. We had to walk through the lingerie section of the store to get to another part. My sister then yells at the top of her voice ‘stop following me you freak’. I had security escort me out of the store, and got many dirty looks. She thought it was hilarious. FML

Today, someone had put a lock on my bike. While I was trying to saw it off, the police drove by. I was arrested for trying to steal a bike and released four hours later when they figured out that it was actually my bike. FML

Today, two weeks after reporting our car was broken into, the police showed up to our flat. They came to tell inform us that our car was was broken into. We explained that we knew this and reported it weeks ago. Apparently, it was broken into again, and set on fire this time. FML