Posts Tagged ‘the-same’

Today, I went to dinner with my boyfriend’s family. As if it wasn’t awkward enough, his mom and sister decided to wear matching dresses in different colors. The even weirder part? I was wearing the same dress in a third color. The family voted that I looked the worst. FML

Today, while driving, a girl on her cellphone cut me off. A second later, another person behind me on a cellphone rear ended me. Her excuse was, “I’m sorry, you weren’t there a minute ago!” I was in the same lane for ten minutes. FML

Today, I got an email from my cousin to “save the date” for her baby shower. It’s on my 21st birthday. This is the same cousin who got engaged on my 18th. FML

Today, I went to the beach with my mom. I began to strip down to my bathing suit to get in the water. My mom did the same with her pants. She wasn’t wearing a bathing suit. FML

Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly. FML

Today, I found out that after working in the same office for five years, I now work with three of my husband’s ex-girlfriends. FML

Today, I had planned a special date for me and my boyfriend. I wanted the first time we have sex to be magical. To him, magical was playing WOW and trying to do me at the same time. FML

Today, I learned that you should never, ever, under any circumstance, take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night. FML

Today, my boyfriend thought he gave me unimaginable pleasure. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I had cramp in both my legs at the same time. FML

Today, I got a bird as a pet. I thought it would be funny to put it on my head and take a picture. When the flash went off the bird flew off my head and pooped at the same time. You could see it in the picture. FML