Posts Tagged ‘the-same’

Today, my mom finally learned how to text. Now it’s her way of communicating, even when we’re in the same room. FML

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is extremely jealous of a stuffed toy that sits on my bed, all because it gets to ‘sleep in the same bed as me and he doesn’t.’ Now, whenever he comes over, he throws it at the wall, death glares at it, then gets up and kicks it under my bed. FML

Today, I was given a new nickname at work due to my boss always confusing me with one of my co-workers who is taller than me. Someone suggested he just call us the same name to make it simpler, and the tall one would be big and the short one little. Everyone at my job now calls me Little Dick. FML

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she’s a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. Spread out in different corners of the pool and pretend to drown at the same time. And whoever was ‘saved’ first, won. FML

Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won’t be hiring me. This wouldn’t be so bad if they didn’t keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML

Today, I overheard my parents having sex, I wouldn’t have cared as much, if I wasn’t sleeping in the same room. FML

Today, my Dad married his fiancée who insists I call her Mom. I’m three years older than her and went to the same High School! She’s taking me shopping next week to buy me something “nice.” FML

Today, I was riding my long board. A few feet from me an attractive girl was riding one too, in the same direction. We made eye contact right as I slammed into a light pole. She then fell because she was laughing so hard. FML

Today, I had some hot phone sex with my long-distance girlfriend. Half-way through, my mom stormed in, and told me I was disgusting and sick for doing it in the same room as my brother. I forgot about the baby monitor. FML

Today, during a job interview, my nose started bleeding abundantly. About at the same time, I sneezed. My blood got on the employer’s glasses and shirt. Guess I’m not getting a job today. FML

Today, while waiting on tables at work, I was carrying a glass of red wine when I lost balance and spilt it everywhere. After cleaning the floor and myself up and after refilling a new glass, I did exactly the same thing again. FML

Today, I got a vasectomy. The medical assistant shaved and cleaned my balls. After the procedure, she was chit-chatting and asked where my kids go to school – hers go to the same school. Now every time I pick up my kids, I worry that I might run into the woman who shaved my balls. FML

Today, in order to avoid seeing my ex-girlfriend in class, I changed my schedule for “personal reasons.” Apparently she had the same idea and changed her schedule as well. We now have all the same classes together. Before, we had just two. FML

Today, a coworker introduced herself to me and told me she hopes I enjoy my new job. We’ve worked in the same building for two years. I say hello every time I see her. FML