Posts Tagged ‘the-side’

Today, it’s memorial day weekend. The cops are all over the place watching for speeders and drunks. Some complete dickhead decided to spray paint “cop killa” on the side of my car. It won’t come off. FML

Today, I walked out of my house, waved at my neighbors, walked through my front yard and into the side yard to turn off the sprinkler. It wasn’t until I was back into the house that I remembered I wasn’t wearing a top. FML

Today, I have no cell phone reception as I am visiting family who lives on the side of a mountain. They told me there was service on top of the mountain, so I hiked up. Only when I got there did I realize I’d left my phone back down at the house. FML

Today, while driving home I saw a few deer running beside me. I stopped to let them go in front. Instead, one face-plants, ramming into the side of my brand new car. FML

Today, while walking across campus, I stopped to look at my reflection in a window. I straightened my bra straps and then turned to the side to dig a wedgie out. It wasn’t until I heard peals of laughter that I realized I couldn’t see IN the classroom, but they could see OUT. FML

Today, while parallel parked, a car stopped next to me, backed up, and hit the woman behind him. When she pulled off to the side to check for damage, she slammed into me. FML

Today, I was speeding a little on the highway. I thought I saw a police car, so I slammed on my brakes, causing the person behind me to rear end me. The “police car” I saw was just a broken down car on the side of the road. FML

Today, my sister and I got into an argument at a tennis court which ended up with her trying to run me over in the parking lot. I stepped to the side and hit her door, denting it. My parents expect me to pay for the damage caused by my sister trying to kill me. FML

Today, my minivan broke down on the side of the highway. I’m out of work and can’t afford a cell phone, so I resorted to standing at the back of my van holding a “HELP” sign. About an hour went by, in which time I was passed by a cop car, a firetruck, and a car that said “Roadside Assistance.” FML

Today, I was at a red light when the guy next to me gave me that look people give when they want a street race. I won, but I should’ve seen the word “Sherriff” written on the side of his car. FML

Today, I took some new allergy medicine I had never tried before, and I didn’t bother reading the side effects. I then went to school. It was almost an hour before dismissal when I had felt a warm feeling on my legs. One of the side effects to my new medicine was bladder control problems. FML

Today, while driving on a totally deserted, long, straight road in the middle of the bush, I sneezed and drove right into a pole on the side of the road. It was the only pole for over 50 km. FML

Today, while with my boyfriend, I leaned in for a kiss. He decided instead of a kiss, he would lick the side of my face and tell me how salty I am. FML

Today, I saw my ex at my college library. I just ignored her and went on my way playing it cool. As I put my earphones in, they got stuck on a door handle, which then opened violently. I not only fell to the floor, but got kicked in the side of the head as a man came storming out. FML

Today, my bus driver pulled over on the side of the road for 22 minutes because he thought he smelled someone eating an orange. FML