Posts Tagged ‘the-women’

 Today, I got my beautiful daughter ready to be a flower girl for the first time. A flower girl in the wedding of her father, my ex-husband, to the women he cheated on me with. FML

Today, I went into the women’s bathroom and was warmly greeted by a man masturbating on one of the sinks. FML

Today, my friends and I were playing a game where you come up with a sexy word that starts with the first letter of your name. A bunch of the women present had names starting with A. I blurted “asphyxiation”. FML

Today, after cleaning the women’s bathroom at work, a lady came in and exclaimed “you’re going to regret cleaning this bathroom before I came in here!” FML

Today, I was on a red-eye flight, and the woman beside me was chattering loudly to her friend. I opened my laptop and got to work. Suddenly, one of the women turned to me and told me that the clicking of my keyboard was too loud. She then called me an inconsiderate, selfish bitch. FML

Today, I was working at a restaurant when my manager approached me and informed me that there was people having sex in the women’s washroom, and he needed me to go in and ask them to cut it out. So I did. Five minutes later, a woman walks out with her disabled son and asks to talk to my manager. FML

Today, a patient rushed into the ER screaming that his wife was going to have the baby in the cab. I grabbed my kit, rushed to the cab and started taking off the women’s pants. As she screamed, I realized she had no baby bump. It was the wrong cab. FML

Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML

Today, my friend and I decided to get bikini waxes. Afterwards, the women who did the waxing told my friend it was $30 for her wax. Then, in front of the whole salon, the women points at me and says, “You! You so hairy- $35!”. FML

Today, I have to choose between one eyebrow or none because I’m a heavy sleeper and my brother is a moron. FML

Today, I moved in with my brother to save on a swanky apartment. I was skeptical as to how this would work out as we fought a lot as kids. Our first big fight? Whether or not to keep his dorm-style futon complete with Return of the Jedi sheets. He’s a 35-yr old physician; I’m a 28-yr old lawyer. FML