Posts Tagged ‘time’

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years called my house even though I was with him at the time. He needed to talk to my mom. He asked her to break up with me for him. FML

Today, I was cleaning my room when I found a nice surprise from my cat. While I was on vacation, she killed a mouse. By the time I found it, there were maggots crawling in my carpet. FML

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. I have been a state away from her for about three weeks now, and she happened to be with her parents at the time. I told her to tell them I said “Hi!” Their response was that they “hope his plane crashes.” FML

Today, while looking up info on my future college, my mom came in my room and accused me of wasting all my time in front of the computer. I had just trimmed and mowed the lawn, vacuumed the house, and cleaned the bathroom. She took my laptop, then sat down at her desk and browsed YouTube on it. FML

Today, it was a long queue at the store, and behind me were two senior citizens. I wanted to do a good deed, and said: “Cut before me in line, I have all the time in the world.” My reward? The old man scolded me because I supposedly insinuated that they were old, and only had a short time left to live. FML

Today, it was a little colder than it should be for this time of year, and as a result I was using the heater in my car. Apparently within the last four months, a mouse managed to make his way into my heater vent and die. I can not get the smell of death out of my car. FML

Today, my girlfriend complained I wasn’t ‘affectionate’ enough and never showed her I love her, so I took her to the cinema to see the film she’d been going on about for weeks. I lent over to kiss her and she got pissed with me, because apparently it wasn’t ‘the time or the place.’ FML

Today, it was my girlfriend’s birthday so I made her a scrapbook with pictures of all the time we spent together. She took a vague look at it and said that didn’t fit as a birthday present, she left it at my place with no intention to take it with her. FML

Today, while getting it on with the girl I’m currently seeing, she raised her hands in the air and shouted, “Hallelujah!” When I asked her why she did that, she told me that I “finally got it right this time!” FML

Today, my sister told my mom about a good book she was reading. She was saying that it was about a girl who got around and lies to her parents all the time. She then decided to show the book to my mother. It was my diary. FML