Posts Tagged ‘time’
Friday, July 1st, 2011
Today, I asked my daughter what time it was. She stared at the clock for several seconds before muttering, “I don’t know”. She’s 14 years old and on the honor roll, and yet she can’t tell the time on an analogue clock. FML
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Tags: amazon, british, daughter, digital, fml, grammar, home, judaism, kinggeorgegal, passionangel, time
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Wednesday, May 25th, 2011
Today, my mom yelled at me for taking too long at a job interview, and that it was a waste of her time to drive me to it; I just quit my job, moved away from my boyfriend and the coast to help take care of her in Idaho. FML
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Rating: 4.0/5 (6 votes cast)
Tags: boyfriend, coast, fml, help-take, her-time, job-interview, mom-yelled, the-coast, time, too-long
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Sunday, May 15th, 2011
Today, I went to Subway with my girlfriend. Just as the time came for her to pay the bill, she went to the car to grab her purse. She didn’t come back. I found a note on the windshield saying, “It’s over”. FML
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Rating: 5.0/5 (3 votes cast)
Tags: fml, girlfriend, purse, she-went, subway, the-car, the-time, the-windshield, time, windshield
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Friday, May 13th, 2011
Today, my boyfriend came home from a camping trip and broke up with me. All because when he was watching the lake he was near, ripples formed. Apparently, this means God was telling him I’m impure and unable to be “saved by Christ” and therefore, a waste of his time. I dated this lunatic. FML
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Rating: 5.0/5 (6 votes cast)
Tags: boyfriend, boyfriend-came, camping-trip, fml, lake, lunatic, means, time
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Friday, May 6th, 2011
Today, I cooked my kids spaghetti for lunch, and called our neighbor who babysits for me all the time, to come over and watch them while I went to get groceries. I came home to the babysitter asleep on the couch, and spaghetti and sauce all over my dining room walls. FML
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Rating: 4.9/5 (11 votes cast)
Tags: come-over, couch, dining-room, fml, kids, neighbor, our-neighbor, time
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Tuesday, April 5th, 2011
Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn’t sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won’t believe me when I tell them I’m a 4.0 GPA student. FML
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Rating: 3.5/5 (13 votes cast)
Tags: almost-everyone, fml, gpa, neighbors, neighbors-told, our-street, street, time
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Monday, March 28th, 2011
Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog’s owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML
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Rating: 4.9/5 (11 votes cast)
Tags: bothered, few-pictures, fml, girlfriend, only-did, owner-took, park, phone, the-park, the-time, time, took-the-time
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Thursday, March 24th, 2011
Today, my cab driver told me about the time he tried to commit suicide by driving off a bridge… while we were crossing a river. FML
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Rating: 4.6/5 (10 votes cast)
Tags: bridge-while, cab-driver, commit-suicide, fml, time
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Thursday, February 17th, 2011
Today, I went to the vending machine, put in a dollar, and reached down to grab my snack. The slot door wouldn’t open, so I pushed it harder. I got my hand in, but the door got stuck again, this time with my hand inside. I tried to push with my other hand. It got stuck too. FML
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Tags: but-the, door, fml, push-with, pushed-it-harder, snack, stuck-again, the-vending, time, vending
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Sunday, February 6th, 2011
Today, I drove 30 miles out of my way to pick up my 13 year old sister. As I walked in, she glared at me and snapped, “Get out of here. Go sit in the car, I’m not done eating yet.” I was so mad that I called my mom. She told my sister to take her time. FML
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Tags: and-snapped, eating-yet, fml, miles-out, not-done, she-glared, sister, take-her, the-car, time, year-old
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Sunday, January 30th, 2011
Today I had a job interview at 9:00am . I left around 8:30 am and as soon as I got in the car and driving to my interview I checked my phone and it said 10:33 ! My boyfriend decided to change the time on my clock as a “joke.” FML
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Rating: 3.3/5 (3 votes cast)
Tags: and-driving, clock, fml, interview, job-interview, phone-and, time
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Wednesday, January 19th, 2011
Today, I took the time to make myself look nice just so that the pizza guy would think I had a life. FML
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Tags: fml, look-nice, make-myself, pizza, pizza-guy, time, took-the-time
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Wednesday, December 22nd, 2010
Today, I was working in a restaurant. On the receipt under “tip” someone actually took the time to write out “$0.00.” FML
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Tags: fml, someone-actually, the-receipt, time, took-the, took-the-time, write-out
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Monday, December 13th, 2010
Today, I was entertaining people during an extra curricular school function in order to help “brighten people’s spirits in their time of need”. After it was all over, I found out that my phone had been stolen. FML
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Tags: been-stolen, brighten-people, extra-curricular, fml, found-out, people-during, phone, phone-had, school-function, their-time, time
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Wednesday, November 3rd, 2010
Today, I got fired over MSN. I wasn’t even online at the time. FML
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Rating: 3.5/5 (4 votes cast)
Tags: even-online, fml, msn, time
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