FML Today » time

sadmother says FML

admin — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 05:14:45 +0000

Today, I asked my daughter what time it was. She stared at the clock for several seconds before muttering, “I don’t know”. She’s 14 years old and on the honor roll, and yet she can’t tell the time on an analogue clock. FML

kylie b says FML

admin — Wed, 25 May 2011 14:36:15 +0000

Today, my mom yelled at me for taking too long at a job interview, and that it was a waste of her time to drive me to it; I just quit my job, moved away from my boyfriend and the coast to help take care of her in Idaho. FML

DMitch says FML

admin — Sun, 15 May 2011 22:36:25 +0000

Today, I went to Subway with my girlfriend. Just as the time came for her to pay the bill, she went to the car to grab her purse. She didn’t come back. I found a note on the windshield saying, “It’s over”. FML

dammitvasquez says FML

admin — Fri, 13 May 2011 07:52:06 +0000

Today, my boyfriend came home from a camping trip and broke up with me. All because when he was watching the lake he was near, ripples formed. Apparently, this means God was telling him I’m impure and unable to be “saved by Christ” and therefore, a waste of his time. I dated this lunatic. FML

jemefer says FML

admin — Fri, 06 May 2011 08:01:22 +0000

Today, I cooked my kids spaghetti for lunch, and called our neighbor who babysits for me all the time, to come over and watch them while I went to get groceries. I came home to the babysitter asleep on the couch, and spaghetti and sauce all over my dining room walls. FML

Imslow says FML

admin — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 22:26:09 +0000

Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn’t sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won’t believe me when I tell them I’m a 4.0 GPA student. FML

-_- says FML

admin — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 04:54:14 +0000

Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog’s owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML

phantomdriver says FML

admin — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 00:53:10 +0000

Today, my cab driver told me about the time he tried to commit suicide by driving off a bridge… while we were crossing a river. FML

CandyMachine says FML

admin — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 08:45:43 +0000

Today, I went to the vending machine, put in a dollar, and reached down to grab my snack. The slot door wouldn’t open, so I pushed it harder. I got my hand in, but the door got stuck again, this time with my hand inside. I tried to push with my other hand. It got stuck too. FML

unfair says FML

admin — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 19:16:38 +0000

Today, I drove 30 miles out of my way to pick up my 13 year old sister. As I walked in, she glared at me and snapped, “Get out of here. Go sit in the car, I’m not done eating yet.” I was so mad that I called my mom. She told my sister to take her time. FML

catsofly7 says FML

admin — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 15:20:31 +0000

Today I had a job interview at 9:00am . I left around 8:30 am and as soon as I got in the car and driving to my interview I checked my phone and it said 10:33 ! My boyfriend decided to change the time on my clock as a “joke.” FML

sunshine19217 says FML

admin — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 00:58:11 +0000

Today, I took the time to make myself look nice just so that the pizza guy would think I had a life. FML

ismerf19 says FML

admin — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 08:32:10 +0000

Today, I was working in a restaurant. On the receipt under “tip” someone actually took the time to write out “$0.00.” FML

yermom says FML

admin — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 15:27:54 +0000

Today, I was entertaining people during an extra curricular school function in order to help “brighten people’s spirits in their time of need”. After it was all over, I found out that my phone had been stolen. FML

werewolfoflondon says FML

admin — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 08:55:18 +0000

Today, I got fired over MSN. I wasn’t even online at the time. FML

unsatisfying says FML

admin — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 14:28:15 +0000

Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML

bjevilcat2 says FML

admin — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 23:27:33 +0000

Today, my doctor confirmed that the extreme pain I’ve been expierenceing is due to a kidney stone. My friend decided this was the time to tell me that passing a kidney stone is the male equivalent of child birth. Hello even more pain. FML

Gearhead369 says FML

admin — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 10:19:50 +0000

Today, I got a flat tire on the highway. If that wasn’t bad enough I had no spare in the car. By the time I got a ride to get a new tire, someone was nice enough to fix my air conditioning for me. They smashed out my window to break in. The doors were not locked. FML

simply2010 says FML

admin — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 14:19:36 +0000

Today, and every day, a homeless looking man walks into my work, sits down and stares. I’m new to the job so, trying to make new friends, when the guy walked in this time, I went over to a co worker I was really clicking with, and went off about how creepy he was. He replied with “Who, my dad?” FML

wantontsu says FML

admin — Sat, 11 Sep 2010 21:53:25 +0000

Today, I had diarrhea in a Walmart bathroom for 15 minutes. Apparently, so did the guy in the stall next to me. He attempted to make small talk to pass the time. FML