Posts Tagged ‘toilet’

Today, my new window cleaner came to clean the windows of my house. Seeing the first window of the top floor, he decided to start there. The first window of the top floor is my toilet. I was having a poo. FML

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend in his one bedroom/ one bath apartment. Soon after moving in, I discovered he never unclogs his toilet because “sooner or later, it’ll unclog itself.” FML

Today, my best friend accidentally dropped my iPod touch in the lake. Yesterday, that same friend dropped my cell phone in the toilet. FML

Today, after several hours of trying to get my triplet daughters to go to bed, they finally fell asleep. Exhausted, I went to the bathroom so I could go to bed. Not thinking about it, I dropped the toilet seat down rather loudly and flushed the toilet. All three girls woke up crying. FML

Today, my mother is so drunk that she is singing while sitting on the toilet. At 1am . FML

Today, I had to work a double shift at work. My manager knows I have an anxiety disorder and am prone to panic attacks, so he offered me some valium to help cope with the stress. Turns out it wasn’t valium, it was laxatives. I had a panic attack on the toilet and passed out from hyperventilating. FML

Today, my boyfriend took a dump in my toilet. He came into my room, laughing, saying he clogged the toilet. I didn’t believe him, so I checked. When I looked, the water was just really low, so I flushed. It quickly rose and started overflowing, flooding the bathroom. My socks got wet. FML

Today, I learned why people bend over the toilet bowl while puking. If you stand up and puke, you can’t aim and you will have to clean up the puke that flew all over the bathroom. FML

Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son is obsessed with dogs. This wouldn’t have been a problem, but he does everything they do, including drinking from the toilet. FML

Today, I fainted for the first time in my life. I was on the toilet. FML