FML Today » toilet

Anonymous says FML

admin — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 11:46:00 +0000

Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML

needanewphone says FML

admin — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 02:09:13 +0000

Today, while I was getting ready to take a shower, I placed my phone on the counter next to the toilet. While I was washing my hair, someone called me. My phone was on vibrate, so I didn’t hear it until it vibrated off the counter and into the toilet. FML

2gewd4u says FML

admin — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 09:12:04 +0000

Today, I walked in on my sister sitting on the toilet, trying to use “The Force” to pull over the toilet paper roll sitting on the sink. FML

Stacy says FML

admin — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 11:49:52 +0000

Today, while using the restroom at work, I dropped my keys into the toilet. I left to find something to get them out and figured nobody would use a toilet with keys in it. I came back to a bowl of dung and “Shit happens” written on the wall in lipstick. FML

rejecteddd says FML

admin — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 22:55:22 +0000

Today, I went on a blind date. Right after I arrived there, he excused himself to go to the bathroom. He never came back. FML

Inconnu says FML

admin — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 11:04:13 +0000

Today, holding my drunken friend’s hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party, she says, crying, “Y’don’t have to doooo this…” I told her that that’s what friends are for. She replied, “Yeah, but still, I did sleep with your boyfriend…” FML

Miramichi says FML

admin — Mon, 30 May 2011 14:09:19 +0000

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he pees on the toilet seat just to piss me off. FML

lionhead14 says FML

admin — Fri, 20 May 2011 22:55:09 +0000

Today, I woke up needing to wee. I was at my boyfriend’s and didn’t want to wake him, so I sat on the edge of the toilet and peed as quietly as possible. I realised after that I’d sat too far over and had peed on the floor. There was no loo paper. FML

wiper says FML

admin — Wed, 04 May 2011 07:34:13 +0000

Today, my dad hid the toilet paper and is charging me 50 cents a roll. FML

megomania says FML

admin — Mon, 02 May 2011 18:49:45 +0000

Today, I was so sick that I was puking and had the runs. While on the toilet, I yelled for my boyfriend to get me a bowl to puke in. As I did so, I saw that a ton of it was forming on the floor in dots. My boyfriend had given me a spaghetti strainer. FML

Laci says FML

admin — Sat, 30 Apr 2011 22:11:05 +0000

Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, “That’ll teach ya!” FML

cnamobi says FML

admin — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 22:49:26 +0000

Today, a tornado watch has been instituted in my town. At this moment, I have violent diarrhea, and my toilet sits right in front of a window. FML

suckishbf says FML

admin — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 07:44:12 +0000

Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend’s present to me was that he actually flushed the toilet AND put the seat down. FML

wet says FML

admin — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 23:40:26 +0000

Today, the toilet on the top floor of my house busted, soaked the bathroom, and sent water dripping down into the kitchen and basement for hours while no one was home. Eight blowers and a dehumidifier later, the house is about 90 degrees, and I can’t leave. FML

sosadstudent says FML

admin — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 06:58:14 +0000

Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML

Toothy says FML

admin — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 10:37:43 +0000

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

taylor says FML

admin — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 16:06:03 +0000

Today, I was in a desperate rush to go to the toilet. My phone fell out of my pocket and slid under the door when I pulled down my pants. I decided to postpone my activity and retrieve my phone. I opened the door, only to see a kid power-walk out, my phone nowhere to be seen. I then pissed myself. FML

hellosir says FML

admin — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 23:21:04 +0000

Today, while at my dorm, I experienced a vomit-inducing migraine. In my hurry to get to the bathroom to puke, I couldn’t find a pair of shoes. I urgently needed the toilet, so I braved the communal bathroom barefoot. As I opened the stall door, I stepped in someone else’s fresh vomit. FML

leacherr says FML

admin — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 07:12:23 +0000

Today, while taking a dump in a public washroom, my iPhone slipped out of my pocket and into the toilet. looking down into the toilet to see where it had gone, my glasses fell down in with it. FML

sushi hater says FML

admin — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 23:57:33 +0000

Today, I went out for some very expensive sushi. Two hours later, I found myself on the toilet, violently voiding my bowels. I essentially paid to have liquid orange shit. FML