FML Today » told-him

repofacoindealer says FML

admin — Sun, 29 May 2011 07:30:32 +0000

Today, I saw a little kid holding a shiny nickel in a coin holder with “$8″ written on it. I told him that $8 was a lot for a nickel, but then he said, “What about an uncirculated 1945 San Fransisco silver wartime nickel?” and walked away. I’ve just been getting owned by a 9 year old. I’m a coin dealer. FML

Payte says FML

admin — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 11:27:34 +0000

Today, I was talking to a guy on the phone. I told him I’d be right back. I thought I’d put him on mute. Turns out he heard everything as I took the biggest dump I’ve ever taken. We haven’t talked since. FML

randa says FML

admin — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 15:06:10 +0000

Today, I told my boss I was too sick to come to work. He asked if I had a late night so I told him I stayed in. Apparently I ran into him at a bar last night and was too drunk to remember it. FML

elleiR says FML

admin — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 19:13:30 +0000

Today, I was at the dentist getting a tooth pulled. The dentist had given me “laughing gas” so I wouldn’t feel anything. Without thinking, I told him he was pretty hot. The dental hygenist, also in the room, was his wife. FML

zks says FML

admin — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 16:25:29 +0000

Today, I received yet more mail for my ex-fiancé. We’ve been broken up for nearly a year and I’ve told him multiple times to change his address. Getting his mail is a constant reminder that I haven’t dated since. FML

jeanstein says FML

admin — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 19:44:57 +0000

Today, I got a call from this drunk man, asking for Celeste. Since I don’t know any Celestes, I told him that he had the wrong number. He kept calling for her. Apparently he can’t take a hint that she didn’t give him her real number, and I get to deal with him. FML

PFCdavila says FML

admin — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 08:53:13 +0000

Today, at work, a coworker started to tell me about his weekend, without me even asking. Halfway through his story, I started to daydream and lost track of time. Bored, I told him, “Hey man, I’ll call you back, I’ve got to get back to work.” Then I remembered I wasn’t on the phone. FML

cleangirl says FML

admin — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 11:42:33 +0000

Today, my new boyfriend was at my flat for the first time. He picked up something in the bathroom and said ‘What the hell’s this?’. I told him what it was for, and he said ‘You girls and your weird female products. Who needs all this stuff?’. It wasn’t a female thing. It was shampoo. FML

crazystar69 says FML

admin — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 23:16:17 +0000

Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML

elfy2 says FML

admin — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 07:51:08 +0000

Today, while riding the bus to a really important job interview the child sitting next to me threw up in my lap. His mother then told him to wipe his mouth. He used my sleeve. FML

Angela says FML

admin — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 08:55:23 +0000

Today, I made plans with an old friend that I haven’t seen in years. We agreed to meet at a diner and I told him I’d be standing outside. I watched him pull up, look right at me, then do something with his phone. Seconds later, I got a text saying “Sorry, but I’m busy today and can’t make it.” FML

greenchan says FML

admin — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 11:33:39 +0000

Today, I had to take an emergency contraceptive. I was talking to my boyfriend about it, and I told him that my stomach really hurt. His response? “Aw. That’s just the baby dying.” FML

stinkerweeder says FML

admin — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 01:16:58 +0000

Today, it was both my and my stepmother’s birthday. In preparation, my dad bought a huge banner with my stepmother’s name on it, and a lovely birthday cake. When I told him it was also my birthday, he just grunted and taped a post-it note to the banner with my name on it. Same with the cake. FML

Random Person says FML

admin — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 11:56:22 +0000

Today, I was eating out at a restaurant downtown with my brother in-law when I told him I couldn’t eat any more. He then told me, “You better, or you’re walking home.” He wasn’t kidding. FML

fatherless says FML

admin — Sat, 20 Nov 2010 17:00:00 +0000

Today, after many years of searching, I finally found out who my real father is. I gathered all my courage and gave him a call. I told him I was his daughter. He didn’t believe me, and started asking me what I was wearing. FML

T_Willl says FML

admin — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 09:35:10 +0000

Today, a customer was rude to me and I was rude back. Then he asked for the manager, I told him that I was. Then he told me that he’s the corporate owner. FML

Samipearl says FML

admin — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 19:09:00 +0000

Today, while at a restaurant with my boyfriend, a piece of ice got stuck in my throat. I couldn’t get his attention until after it melted because he was busy checking in on foursquare. When he finally noticed my freaking out and I told him what had happened, he laughed. FML

Kristinmarsh08 says FML

admin — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 19:14:19 +0000

Today, I texted my dad and told him I was getting married in five months. His reply: “I gotta work that day.” FML

Deidle-dee says FML

admin — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 21:33:54 +0000

Today, I had a date with a guy I’ve had a crush on for 6 years. Things got heated when we got back to his place, but he had trouble getting the condom on. As soon he got it on, he came. I told him it was ok, I’d help him get hard again. He said, “No thanks. I’m good.” FML

pukaroxliza says FML

admin — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 18:37:04 +0000

Today, while on my way to school, the local watermelon vendor asked me if I would like to buy a watermelon. As it’s about the eighteenth day in a row he’s asked me this, I told him that nobody in their right mind would buy a watermelon to take to school. He threw the watermelon at me. FML